Pichapaati

Do fairies exist?

2012-01-04T14:17:00.002+05:30

*I wrote this piece for The Academy(Newsletter of Lal Bahadur Shastri National Academy of Administration, Mussourie) in October 2011.

There was a light drizzle in the morning, themist lazily flirted with the distant hills of Mussoorie. A visit tothe National Institute of Visually Handicapped(NIVH) was scheduled for the day.Though I was excited about the trip, the romantic inside me was yearning tospend a quite day in the hills. With the hope that there would be many moresuch days in the coming days, I got into the bus that would take us toDehradun. As the bus negotiated the hairpin bends, we started crooning to OldHindi songs.In about an hour, we reached our destination- National Institutefor the Visually Handicapped(NIVH), Dehradun- a sprawling campus with an air ofRuskin Bond's Dehradun of the 1960s.

We were then taken to the famous school for the blind that is part ofNIVH. I went into the sports room that was in the ground floor. There wasone carrom board in the middle of the room. The board had many more holes thanfour, the players played in turns, cheering each other with some time lag. Ittook me some time to understand that carrom board for the blind is quite adifferent game.

At one corner of the room sat a girl in grey uniform. She must be around10 years old, I thought to myself. As I watched her,she moved the index fingerof her right hand over rounded undulations over a large white sheet. She wasreading something, her lips moved sometimes and were pursed in another moment,she giggled in between and sometimes she sighed as her index finger moved inunfailing straight lines. She turned pages like a professional, her indexfinger immediately went into the left top corner of a new page and moved to theright like clockwork.

I said "Namaste, I am Anirudh. I am an IAS…training in Mussorie. May Iknow your name?".

Her finger stopped moving, she didn't look up to me. She repliedconfidently, "Hello. I am Swati Singh. I am in Class 6." Icould see a smile at the corner of her lips.

"What is that you are reading?", I asked in a friendlytone.

"A story", she replied very matter-of-factly.

"Can you please read it out to me?", I asked,

She then let her index finger do the reading. She started reading out atan amazing speed, she was very. She read out this story about a little boy andgirl who go out on an excursion to somewhere. She giggled in between when theboy in the story tried helping the girl in the story but ended up falling onhis back. She giggled whenever the girl in the story outsmarted the boy.

I listened to her for a long time. She was amazingly fluent. Her indexfinger was better than a set of eyes. She read like she had written the storyherself, modulating for different chracters and moods in the story.

I interrupted her and asked her if she liked reading stories. Shereplied in the affirmative. She said, "I like stories in which animalsspeak." She spoke with great energy about the stories she read.

"So you must also write stories.", I asked, sensing howshe had a ready facility with words.

She paused for a second and replied in glee, "Yes, I do writestories."

"Can you tell me a story you've written?", I asked.

She told me a story about a helpless sparrow and a rowdy crow and how afairy rescued the sparrow from the nastiness of the crow.

I wondered about the metaphorical significance of the sparrow, the crowand the fairy. Does Swati see herself as a little sparrow? What does a sparrowmean to her? Who is the crow and who is her fairy?

I asked her if there were fairies in her stories always. She repliedthat she loved storied with fairies.

"So you believe in fairies?” the rationalist inside me hadto ask.

"Yes.", she said with a pause.

"Do you think they exist?” I asked in a shaky voice,half-hoping she replied in the affirmative and irrationally hoping that theyreally existed.

"Yes, I want to believe in fairies. They must exist".She said this with pregnant pauses, pauses that caused a great emotional chaosinside me. I hoped she believed in them like every child of her age would.

"Yes, they..” I paused to gather my emotions.

Where is the fairy that will protect little Swati from ourinsensitivity? Where is the fairy that will give Swati the strength to bearwith the world that is blind to many like her?

"...they do exist. They must exist". I managed tofinish.

The visit to National Institute of Visually Handicapped was the firsttime in my 25 years of existence that I had come so close to understand thevisually challenged. I was astounded and ashamed about how little I knew aboutthem. I was told in the institute's library that all the students listen to theaudio books regularly. The library, they said, was a very active place (unlikethe IAS Academy's library). I had, like many amongst us would, seen thedisabled as one-dimensional objects of sympathy. I was horribly mistaken. Whoisn't disabled in this world? Who is perfect? If there was anything that washandicapped, it was all my lack of understanding the visually challenged. Ifvisually challenged Ankur Garg of Class 8 could read Premchand's Godaan, howcan he be called handicapped?

The visit brought home one point very clearly, oneshould not confuse vision for eyesight, as Justice Altamas Kabir had told visually challenged Rajesh Kumar Gupta(read more) who is an alumni of NIVH and is my classmate now at LBSNAA.

The Half Moon

2011-11-12T11:22:00.004+05:30

The moon is only half shiny,

Waiting for love in agony.

My love, fill my half-full soul,

Incomplete love isn't easy to hold!

I await your voice to flood my air,

like moonlight in its autumn flair.

Shine today and tell my love,

Far away is a longing soul.

Give me moon your complete shine,

Bliss, it would be, if you were fully mine.

Push the twinkling stars away!

They distract my love to you today!

Apologies for my irregular blogging, I have been writing sporadically but nothing was worth a blog post, And about this poem, I wrote it on a half-moon night in rural Haryana. Having lived all my life in cities, I have rarely had a chance to experience the magic of the waxing moon! Rural Haryana gave me that chance and so I wrote this half-baked poem in much haste...This post might probably serve as a pensieve(Harry Potter), some day in the future, i'd probably polish this thing up...

I'll leave you for some more half-polished poems..

Cut by shadow into half,

Delicate moon does a daily morph.

Whose heartless idea was this?

To show a lonely heart gone amiss?

To see him shadowed every night,

Is only rarely a pleasing sight.

Yet, he comes out every night,

Glowing for love, at majestic height.

***

A housewife would readily want to say,

"Darling dear, get me that garlic piece up there!"

A schoolboy would then easily rate,

A used eraser of a stingy classmate!

To a Pediatric of the old school,

High Fever? there's a half paracetamol!

***

Till next time! Take Care!Adios!

Turning Twenty Six

2011-09-25T18:39:00.004+05:30

Warm Hellos to my dearest loyal readers!

I turn 26 today and what a B'day it has been. I am a little disoriented about how much has happened over the past 15 odd hours!

To begin with, yesterday night we had a DJ night and from about 7:30 pm to around 10:30pm, I was on the dance floor, it burnt like hell. At least 4 people liked my moves!(Rakesh- my dance guru must feel proud today!Don't you still like my Kadhal Sadugudugudu(Hey Udi Udi Udi) moves from Alaipayuthe/Sakhi/Saathiya?). After burning the down the dance floor with kickass moves(Thanks Commie,Vimarsh,Sindhu,Raji) oh also I did some Salsa for 'Hips don't lie!".

And then after being bathed in sweat, and finishing off two large scoops of ice cream, we went for another round of live music and danced to 'Wonderful Tonight' and 'Knock Knock Knocking on Heaven's Door'...Wah! What a day! I also slightly missed the super cool dancing group we has in college, OASIS(the famed cultural festival of BITS-Pilani) had discos every night. So all I did in those three days was mindless dancing from late night into late mornings! However, my favorite song still remains GASOLINA!!!

***

12 pm was time for some minor 'bums' from my roommate,Vimarsh,Urvi and Raji. :)

***

Morning was time for some rock climbing. But, before that there was a surprise birthday song outside Gyaanshila and again some 'minor bums'! Its been such a long time that the Birthday song actually made me happy.

Rock Climbing, like any adventure activity, isn't clearly my cup of tea. I was on the summit, a flat faced steep summit that rose 200 metres into the sky. I was on the edge of the summit and Thikka calls me from the US. And all scenes from the various Final Destination movies flash across my eyes and I plead for backing out. "Worst thing to do on a birthday is to try walking down a flat slope!", I thought to myself. The instructor though, very kindly, would hear no nonsense, he pushed me down, and then began one of the longest 2 minutes of my life. I came down with a minor scrath on my left hand.

Surely something to make this day memorable!

***

In the afternoon, I met dearest Gurvinder. I rode his bike on Mall Road and Camel Back Road at lightning speed(my lightnings are pretty mild) and we lunched at Coffee Day- a restaurant that should knight us for our loyalty! Thanks Gurvinder, I really miss the wonderful weekends we spent in Guwahati- along the Brahmaputra, Dighali Pukhuri, Zoo Tiniali and Pantaloons mall!

Later, we landed up at the Cambridge Book Store where the great Ruskin Bond sits to meet readers and tourists every Saturday between 4 and 6 pm. But, since yesterday was a strike, we gotta meet him in person. In excellent cursive he wrote my name and signed two books for me, wished me a Happy B'day!Soon, he promised he'd visit the academy too.

So, I share some pics of mine with one of my favorite authors ever!

I asked Mr.Bond on how important was his personal space to write, I also asked him to reflect on the constant dissatisfaction/turbulence that most artists go through. What he said, I sadly didn't register very well, but he did agree on the private space and conflict that most artists require..

Later, as I suggested an American tourist to buy Suzanna's Seven Husbands- and told that it's been made into a movie, he remarked jocularly that the movie flopped and mostly because he starred in the movie! He also added that he hasn't got any movie offers after that.

Turning Twenty Six deserves a blog post at least for my bonding with Mr.Bond!(I have his phone number)

I leave you with one Ruskin Verse on what better than concealed/unrequited love..

Enough for me

Enough for me that you are beautiful:
Beauty possessed diminishes.
Better a dream of love
Than love's dream broken;
Better a look exchanged
Than love's word spoken.
Enough for me that you walk past,
A firefly flashing in the dark.

Tirumalapur Z.P.School- The story of my many Urban Bubbles and how some popped!

2011-08-19T19:04:00.008+05:30

"Westoxication", I said. "A great threat to the modernization in India, our mistaken modernity". "What is that?", my cousin asked. I explained how modernity in India is often confused for attire and appetite, not for achievement but for birth/privelege, not for equality but for pedigree...

His passion for his profession was difficult to hide. He readily agreed and noted down the new word. He would later use this in his address to his students. His piercing eyes and the handlebar moustache seeming a little misplaced for this academic discussion.

As we travelled from Mahbubnagar town to Tirumalapur village the many wars in running a Government school surfaced and engaged my mind that was constantly distracted by the lovely Telangana countryside in the monsoons. "Remote area...", he said, "me and some like-minded colleagues chose this school". Barely 7 kms off the NH7, I wondered if this was remote enough.

"Telugu medium has no future, the way the Telugu Academy has been run down offers little scope for pursuing education in Telugu..", he lamented. "English is the window to the globalised world. A smattering of English can open a whole new world..", I said. He agreed turning his gaze away from the highway to his ringing mobile. He answered in a heavy Telangana accent, "On schedule", he informed his headmaster. The highway ride was very smooth, in parts it hardly seemed like India. The roads were elegantly painted, nobody jumped lanes, smooth curves broke the monotony until we took a left turn and experienced a normal bumpy ride.

"450 children in this High School(Class 6 to 10). Around 70% passed Class 10 last year, A lot of my students are poor. A few of them are orphans. Not all villages want Government Schools to run properly. In villages with an strongly affluent class, there is a fear that the government school will upset the stratified society", these were coming from 16 years of teaching in rural Telangana.

"How do these affluent classes do this?", I asked innocently.

"In our school, a lot of us possess Masters degrees, there is already a feeling of being overqualified for this job. It is usually the case that a local political leader would visit our school and single out the teachers for his maid-servants' child not passing an exam.What can a teacher do in the few hours that these children spend at school? The teachers usually give up on this thankless job. We hardly see any appreciation for our role. We hardly see results!" Perhaps this organizational culture spreads into the whole system! Though one cannot draw a one to one relation here!

He told me to instill confidence in the students when I address. He wanted me to give them a strong message that all of them can indeed aspire for and lead a better life. I also recalled my conversation with Saikrishna(lovingly called Saibaba) the previous night where he asked me to talk about Abdul Kalam and how he was a paper-boy in Rameswaram.

An organization is its conversations. "I have to converse with all his colleagues.", I thought to myself.

The school was located outside the village. A compound wall demarcated it from its surroundings. As I entered the school I noticed that the wall on the other side had fallen down. "A rich contractor must live somewhere nearby", I thought. The school's matchbox-like building fringed in an L-shape. A oddly huge Acacia Tree adorned the middle of the ground.

I was invited to the Headmaster's room which also doubled up as the Granary for the school. A local women-SHG group were beginning their preparations to cook the Government sponsored Mid day meal. The headmaster told me that they earn around Rs4 per meal cooked. An additional Rs. 2000 is given to each of them. They were using firewood to cook the meal in open air."Getting gas is too much of a hassle", said the Headmaster. The nearest gas supplier being a good 30km away! I wasn't fully convinced.

1. Class 10

The energetic headmaster took me to meet the Class 10 students in their classrooms. It reminded me of my first day as a volunteer in Project 511 in mid-2008(read that blog entry here) in Neredmet ZP School. I interacted with Class 6 students then, I was hardly able to contain my emotions that day. What sort of classrooms are these? Why are there no benches? The school was in the capital of Andhra Pradesh! Can Roja become a doctor? Will the government allow her to? If Roja's parents trust the government with her education, and the government defaults. What recourse do they have? Those were the beginnings of my discovery of Government Schools.

A midst these children, I was very comfortable. I asked them to stand up and introduce themselves. Name and dream. Suseela got up and mentioned Police. The girls giggled and the guys guffawed. I asked them if they'd heard the name of Kiran Bedi. "Yes", said some of them. I told them how she became the 1st lady IPS of India. They consented. Many of the students wanted to be teachers. Most guys wanted to become police officers. There were about 6 doctors in the 81 students. I asked the class how they planned to become Teachers. Some of them read out their favorite poems! But only a handful knew what they'd have to do to achieve their dreams.

I asked them to promise me that on their notebooks today they'd write down their dreams in front of their names. "Dr. Anitha", I called out. The whole class giggled again. "Police Raju", I called out. They giggled. No wannabe I.A.S officers, there were a few engineers though, some consolation that! I asked them to find out from their teachers about how they became teachers. Ask their doctors, ask their neighbours...they nodded their heads. I briefly spoke about EAMCET, Ed-CET and Groups..some of them seemed to have some familiarity with the names. "Information asymmetry is the biggest challenge", I recalled my friend Jayachandra's words.

2. Computers & electricity.

There were 11 monitors connected to about 4 CPUs. I asked them what are the timings of power supply. "No timing as such. Usually there is no electricity, we get supply once in a while". The reality of 100kms from Hyderabad! Yes, where road-dividers have bright colored Airtel advertisement boards. Where street lights glow well into the mornings. Where we jump in rage everytime there is a long power cut! Refrain takes form of "Why does the light go out every time there is rain?" There popped my first urban bubble!

But, to the planners I need to ask, why not give the school laptops? You could charge them when there was power. The polythene-covered unused flat screens in an empty computer lab will stay with me for long!

Perhaps hearing my bubble pop, the headmaster added that they run the generator, a litre of kerosene(30Rs/litre) can supply power for an hour! We buy kerosene whenever we need to use the lab. "Does the school has internet?", I asked. "Yes, but BSNL network is..". I completed that sentence, not dependable here.

Centralized power systems will continue to fail our villages. Here's some hope from Bihar.Decentralized Rice Husk Power!

2. The generator and Public Address System

A meeting was called under the shade of the huge Acacia. A whole school of 450 children sat down under the tree shade!!! I addressed the audience. I told them the story of a boy from a village who sold papers and went on to become a great scientist. I asked them if they knew who he was.A student, Balakrishna, from the back guessed it right! "Wow! I learnt that yesterday!", i thought. I later met Balakrishna, he has secured 71% in Class 10, and was quite a bright kid. He was aspiring to become a doctor. And the way he was talking with me after the lecture strikes me now. Reminds me of how I would listen to Chief Guests at school functions. He was all ears, very eager. Balakrishna can go a long way.

I handed a cash award to the topper(83%) Yellewarayya. I called him to the dias and asked him to share how long he studied at home everyday. He told the audience that it wasn't possible to study everyday as he had chores to attend at home. Another bubble popped! But, he told me how he went to a friend's place before the exams to read under a lamp. Hardly 100kms from Hyderabad.

3. The Great Toilet debate
I noticed that the school had 3 dilapidated structures that were once toilets! Now, grass grew inside them. The headmaster explained that cleaning is a big problem with school toilets. It seems no one in the village was ready to come forward and clean them.

I told the gathering that the state of the schools toilets were a shame, using milder language. I asked the children to cooperate with the headmaster. Renovate the toilets and learn to use them well. I asked the HM to use the help of the kids and do something. I said I'd surely be back in a year or two to the same school. I wanted to see a functioning toilet by then!

Why can't schools hire Janitor/Cleaners? May be one person for 2-3 schools, give him a cycle!If possible a toilet cleaning machine like the ones they have in Indian railways. Give his children free education for life or A fixed deposit in his name?

More basically, why aren't schools teaching toilet manners in school?

The state of our toilets is a social malaise!

In my message to them I strongly told them how all of them had a spark and how they should always work towards their goals. I said all they needed to do was have the company of Good Books through the guidance of Good teachers, that they should always develop a habit of 'Good Ideas' and this will come from 'Good friends'. For all this to happen, it was important to never ever fall prey to 'Bad Habits' like Alcohol and Cigarettes! Cliched, but alcoholism in villages needs to be tackled from the schools! At the end, I asked them to plant fruit-bearing trees around the walls and asked the students to applaud a group of four girl students who had protected the some trees in summer.

Dipankar Gupta's insights in Mistaken Modernity have invaded my experiences connected to this trip! He speaks about Indians and toilets and how Consumerism in India is leading to a dilution of values of citizenship. Indian citizens have differential access to education, electricity, health, toilets, media and rights! Tragedy!

My cousin's comments about the 'remoteness' of the village struck me now. Yes, physically 7 km from a huge highway, 100km from Hyderabad but a long long way from mainstream India!

Apart from the infrastructural challenges, Government schools face huge systemic challenges, while urban India converses in English, the rural folk are still negotiating education in vernacular. Bright students who pass out of these schools then negotiate their entry into the mainstream of Technical Education!
****
My interaction with the teenaged Tribal students of Vanavasi Hostel(in Hyderabad!) taught me how piffling my own academic achievements have been when I compare it with students like Raghupati(a Koya tribal), Rambabu, Karthik. These kids have moved out of their tribal villages(Khammam,Adilabad,Karimnagar), passed an exam to get into Vanavasi hostel in Hyderabad and all the time they were motivating themselves. The wouldn't have read at nights, they would have helped their family in the evenings! Such heroes they are!

In Hyderabad, they attend intermediate colleges in Telugu medium. They are preparing to write competitive exams and still do not have an Objective Question Bank!(I helped them out with that later..) . These kids require a separate discussion.

If anyone wants to do a sociological research on Urban India's insular lives, I'd say Vanavasi Ashram in Vinayak Nagar, Hyderabad is the best place to start. In a colony full of gossippy senior citizens,(who draw government pensions and laze around their Colony Society precincts) these kids are finding it hard to get an English tutor! And the Vice President of this Ashram speaks about how they are organizing a Sports Meet on a national scale! That man was really annoying!

Perhaps, one of my longest posts ever! If you have read it fully. Thank You. I'd be happy if you'd leave comments and help break some of my other bubbles. Shall upload a pic in some time.

Here and There

2011-07-31T18:59:00.012+05:30

The trip from Hyderabad to Pune cutting across the Deccan plateau was a visual treat(to and fro). It being late July, the monsoon was now in its most active phase.While rivulets trickled into the ruggedness of the Deccan, the shy blooms of 'Acacia Nilotica'(Tumma in Telugu) dazzled in the mild Sun that played hide-and-seek all day long. The black wrinkled bark looked painted, almost as if crying out for a 'wet paint' poster. I looked out from the window for hours, the train passed by jet-black naked fields combed in wavy patterns, rich green life taking roots in the furrows, sudden jets of yellow brilliance in marigolds, the suave and lissome Rajnigandha , unkempt Sugarcane in thickets with pink stalks that would probably lure and even stifle insects. And then, the occasional dirt-road that meandered like a light thread on a green carpet, a manned crossing in wilderness. An unmanned crossing ad midst bored onlookers. A young cowherd chasing his dappled cows that splashed and muddied themselves in the monsoon puddles. The occasional black drongo swooping in dangerous ellipses. The weirdness of a palm engulfed by a Banyan(here!).

Millions and millions of year ago, this was all lava. There was hardly any life. Now there is hardly any place without life. On my way back from Pune, I had a very pleasant afternoon nap beside a large window that became a dynamic wallpaper. Rejuvenating.

I am just back from a short trip to Pune.Perched at the edge of the Deccan Plateau and almost hugging the Western Ghats it is quite a picturesque place. The picture below is at the Loni campus of MIT,Pune.

After breathing in the serenity of cascading water in the backdrop of flat-topped hills, it was time for some concrete fun. We dashed off to downtown Pune. It was drizzling on and off,giving it a London-y feeling, another M.G.Road, that 'Leopold Cafe'-like place(Marz-O-Rine?) made my day!

M.G.Road reminds me of the spacious promenade the Bangalore one had about 3 years ago before the Metro Rail destroyed some of it. There is also a very very beautiful M.G.Marg(see pic below) in Gangtok,Sikkim. Ah!I also owe my readers a post on my Sikkim trip and my 'Interview with a Lama'.I also owe another one for Cherrapunji as it tickled my geomorphological grey cells like never before. So you will have a lesson in Geography very very soon.

***

Something like Cricket

Romanticism aside. There is a different reality that is populated by the kids in my neighborhood.

Omkar, Nandini and Shyam continue to invent new cricketing rules, terms and logics. They regularly disturb my Dad's afternoon siestas for their equally confused cricket ball. Omkar is Marathi, Nandini is Telugu and Shyam Tamil. They converse amongst themselves in Hindi. Omkar however takes the cake for his "aisaaich-vasaaich Hindi".

The other day..Omkar and Shyam came running towards me(Kids usually like me)...

Omkar(like Celine Dion in higher octaves): Bhayya, we played a matchhh,.and..and...

Me: Ok, who won?

Omkar: West Germany and Brazil and India...

(Omkar was surely confusing Football for Cricket)

Shyam(in a very cute TamBrahm accent): I am India and Dhoni..

Omkar: But Sri Lanka won(nu)..

Me(angry): You guys have no clue!

Omkar: No Bhayya, The matcch got draw"ed" and I won by 18 runs.(very very matter-of-factly)

I succeeded in convincing him that nobody wins a drawn match. But he asked why India won the test series in West Indies despite drawing 2 matches! Kids!

Later, Omkar and Shyam invented many new cricketers(Omkar invented a cricket playing Manoj Tiwari) and resurrected many retired ones(Sourav Ganguly, Kapil Dev) for their nonsensical cricket.

Nandini has a penchant for running between the wickets. However, she makes it a point to express displeasure when dismissed. Omkar sides with Nandini 99 times out of 100, but sometimes girls can get too delusional. Nandini is famous for walking off the field only to return after Shyam is either expelled(by Nandini-influenced-Omkar) or pleads guilty to playing fair! Hah! I'm not sure how and when these kids evolved unviolable rules in their cricket-like game.

Omkar also makes sure he doesn't mix addition with cricket, he refuses to add his scores. When Omkar hits a shot, he just announces a score he feels he deserves. Shyam rarely protests.

***

My brother and vadina, left for Toronto last week. We spent a jolly good time at home. We bid them a rather dull farewell. He starts his MBA next week and my Vadina will start her job-hunt and I am hyper excited for them! Btw, you get 3 Samosas for a Canadian dollar in Toronto! Cheaper than Coffee Day Samosas! I miss the delicious 4 rupee Samosas of Pilani, although a less than how much I miss Annayya and Vadina!Feel better now.

We watched Zindagi Milegi Na Dobara together. Spain is a visual treat beyond description and so is Laila!(Katrina plays a Indian American called Laila!) I have therefore decided to call my future pet dog Laila. Btw, was Mowgli(The Jungle Book) friends with Laila, the Red wolf? Also, Hrithik Roshan looks and acts very natural in this movie, very unlike Farhan Akhtar who plays this "Facebook" Adult, who writes profound poetry and cracks poor jokes in alternate frames. Abhay Deol is good as usual. However, the "mantal bwoy" and "the pour the red the wine" have been part of my 'gibberish vocab' for quite sometime! 'V' just adores my gibberish timings like 'three vo clack'. Anyways, the movie tugs your 'rods & cones' more than your heart,if you can feel it. No way near Dil Chahta Hai.

Also, I fear the movie will feed a lot of 'mindless' and harmful fun. Adventure sports like sky diving might get a sudden boost! And apart from the normal wastage of fuel we will have recreational wastage now! A La Tomatina festival in India will come a little close to Marie Antoinette's "Eat cake if you do not have bread" moment!

***

Impact

The last week of June was also myy last week in Guwahati(NABARD). I hadn't celebrated 'the result'(declared on May 11th) with my family. This wait seemed like eternity. The company of 'Unaccustomed Earth'(Jhumpa Lahiri) made it a bit tolerable but emotional for unconnected reasons.

Assam has had quite an impact on me. Tea is my favorite drink now, Coffee is near-unbearable. There is no tea substitute. Coffee doesn't match up. Quite a change for someone who carried coffee beans in his travel bag! My Civil Services Interview was almost fully on the North East. This is a connection for life. The remoteness of the North East was such that I had a dream in which I changed by Facebook profile's location to places as far as Zambia and Timbuktu to the utter surprise of many friends! However, Karu Nadu might buy my taste buds into caffeine. Fickleness!

NABARD organized a nice farewell, I carried a jaapi and gamosa all the way home. I still carry 'Assam Tea stains' on my teeth, such is the impact! I also miss watching the clouds descend from Meghalaya into the Dispur plains,...Assam will be my next blog entry subject provided Omkar,Nandini and Shyam do not do anything out of the ordinary to further shake their crickets' fundamentals.

Acchamma

2011-06-06T14:29:00.004+05:30

This is a personal blog entry where I shall attempt to tell Acchamma's story. Acchamma is my grand-aunt on the paternal side.In our daily post-lunch strolls we(GSA,VB and Me) usually discuss things of "National importance", but today I told my friend and colleague GSA about my dad's familys' story as I spoke of the changing sociology of rural Andhra. He asked me if my family owned any agricultural land, I went back in time to tell him what my ancestors traded land for. Good Education.

This is a story that I got to know only the year before last, in the summer of 2009. A story that reminds me of what struggle meant to my ancestors. Not many people in my family know of this struggle, not even the elders. They do not discuss Acchamma and her courage. Unfortunately, we don't even have a photo of Acchamma.

Ashtalakshmi/Acchamma was widowed at a very young age. "She was a pretty girl with sharp features, she was tall and had a glowing complexion..", my aunt said over the phone.She continued "married in her early teens,lost her husband to disease..(pause)..she was widowed".

As was the custom in Brahmin families, her head was tonsured, she was to wear a white saree for the rest of her life. They lived in a village called Amrutalluru(near Tenali in Guntur district of coastal Andhra, then Madras Presidency). This was in the 1920s. My grandfather, Pulipaka Sasisekhara Rao was the eldest of her 4 other siblings.(in all they were 3 brothers and 2 sisters, Acchamma being the eldest). Achamma returned to her parents house after she lost her husband and there she had to become the bread-winner of the family as the children lost their parents too. (Life expectancy in pre-independent India was near 35)

I remember my uncle telling me how Acchamma and her widowed younger sister(Bucchamma) tilled their dry fields in scorching Guntur-Sun! Till today, I haven't been able to imagine without dread,the sight of two widowed women working hard in the fields. My Uncle told me of how my Grandfather was carried over Acchamma's back to school as he had nasty foot-sores for quite some time.(I am pretty sure English medicine hadn't reached Indian villages)

I now imagine how Acchamma would have got up in the early morning. After taking her ritual baths she must have fed all her siblings the left-overs of yesterday, watered the fields(perhaps by drawing water from a deep well) and then carried her brother on her back to a nearby school. She would have done all this in purdah of the white saree, in the ignominy of a shaved head! She would have perhaps ran back to the field to attend to daily chores, weed her field with her siblings/hired laboour. I am sure India's villages had a better sense of community than today, but I doubt if a widowed Brahmin woman could have used anybody's help. I am sure her siblings(my gran-uncles/aunts) would have helped her in this. This reminds me of the family in Anita Desai's 'Village by the sea'. About a 100 years ago, that is where my ancestors were! In that non-descript village not very far from the sea...

My grand-father later went on and obtained a B.A. in Economics from Hindu College, Guntur. he was the first graduate from his village. For quite sometime he did odd jobs and finally joined the services of the Indian Railways(under the British) in Madras. His dismissal from service is another story, my uncle tells me there was a circular that limited the number of 'Telugu' Brahmins in service, and my granpa was dismissed as he was the youngest Telugu Brahmin recruit. From Madras, my Grandpa landed in Hyderabad, worked for the Nizam and then joined the Railways in Secunderabad. He went on to form the Ravindranagar Society in Sitafalmandi and built two houses for his two younger brothers also. These living monuments of great struggle exist today, in which live my second-cousins. My grandfather's youngest sibling is 100 now...

Acchamma made sure all her brothers got good education. "They spoke better English than you guys..", I remember my uncle saying. I will join the Indian Administrative Services shortly and I shall devote my full energies towards universal education. And having seen the women-SHG story in NABARD, I know that the woman will get her children educated at any cost!

In Acchamma's struggle is also the success of her nephews and nieces. In this story is also the success of my paternal aunts who run large institutions today(one of them runs a school in Hyderabad). This post is for the brave and independent 'Acchamma spirit' that lives in all of them!

PS:I had to mention 'caste' because without this a 'village' story would be incomplete. My grandfather wrote to my brother(when he was around 5 and had just joined school) about how he should do his homework diligently.

The 'Jai Ho' Dream

2011-02-07T18:46:00.004+05:30

Long time, I know. Apologies to my loyal readers but things have been keeping me very busy. I have been criss-crossing the country from Delhi to Lucknow to Guwahati and Hyderabad and I have learned one thing very clearly. Flying is safer than driving on India's roads, I did hear of the statistic but like some one say...there are lies, damned lies and statistics...so.

While my criss-crossing the nation and contaminating the atmosphere with Uric Acid hasn't made an iota of difference to 'rural development', some bizzare dreams of mine have entertained some guys who think they have been working for the upliftment of the ones who need upliftment...btw...I didn't know till very recently that in Punjabi 'chak' means 'lift'..so Chak De India means..Lift it up,India!

Sadly, words like 'Mahi Ve','Laung da Lashkara' make lesser sense,now that they have been de-mystified.Languages have hilarious words-Punjabi's most hilarious word is Janaani(LOL)..meaning 'woman'!Look at how the Sankrit Janani has been murdered as Janaani!

In Assamese, one is respectfully addressed as 'Dangoriya'!So if anybody called me Anirudh Dangoriya, I should learnt to not laugh on their faces.

Coming back to my 'dream':

Scene: Farewell to Class 10 students in Johnson Grammar School.

All Students in unison: 'Madam we will sing the 'national anthem'

Teachers: OK (condescendingly)

Students: We start singing with great gusto, and hold our hands and run mad...almost running out of breath we still sing 'Dravida Utkala banga..uchhala jaladhi taranga..'

Like in most dreams(note 'most') I am holding a females' hand, while I am running and singing I try to look at her face. I realize it is indeed one of my classmates and note her name in my observation book!!!Then as the 'Running Race and National Anthem' end with a rather dull Jaya Hai, Jaya Jaya Jaya Jaya hai', I begin to wonder if Rehman's 'jai Ho' sounds better. So we change gear midway and start run-dance-singing Jai Ho!Before changing musical-gear I felt sad to leave her hand,almost like the sadness of sacrificing the last 'Peanut Butter Cup' to your 6-yr old niece/nephew.

Oopsies, did I just invent a new unit for measuring Sadness? 'Peabucs'??

1 Peabuc= The sad feeling of not being able to lick the cup after eating because 'people are watching.

6 Peabucs= The sad feeling of sharing your Peanut Butter Cup with a friend.

10 peabucs= The sad feeling of cutting down on P.B.Cs because of weighty issue.

100 Peabucs= The sadness of dropping your PBC on the floor.

Remember the Blahness Unit invented long long ago?It was called MB.Mallu Bite.

That is probably where the dream ended. I have tried understanding the complex sub-conscious mind that has such a wicked sense of humor. Any clue?

I guess I never liked the National Anthem much, words like 'uchhala' never connect with the original Sanskrit meaning but to the rather cheap Telugu meaning. yew! Whil Ucchala jaladhi Taranga mean the rising sea waves, I thought of uric acid and bilirubin.

Btw, I watched 'Dhobi ghat' in Guwahati and it was a great experience. The background score alone was enough for me, the sound of Rain and Gustavo Santaolalla's piano. For the first time in years a movie felt like a Novel. That feeling of being in that movie, of feeling for Munna and his love, Yasmin and her amateur video and Mumbai in its myriad moods. Absorbing. Go and watch the movie, preferably alone. Just be there.

Meanwhile I visited the Bada Imam Bargah in Lucknow and I was awestruck. I have been impressed by its architecture. The orange sandstone, the onion-like Bengal Domes, the exquisite Arabic calligraphy. It felt like Istanbul.

So that is where things stand.I leave you with Sunset on the banks of the Brahmaputra.

My name is Bollywood-I

2010-12-18T13:23:00.004+05:30

Oh!What a sad name I have!I am the biggest film industry in this world, yet my name is a rip-off, I am named after the much more popular Hollywood!Its way better than being called Lollywood,Kollywood or Tollywood. Poor Tollywood is both Telugu and Bengali cinema. And to top it all the Kannada movie industry is called Sandalwood!

But what's in a name? A rose by any other name would smell just as sweet!

For the first few decades I had been rather proud of the reception my movies got at various film festivals.Raj Kapoor took me to Russia and China. Have you met Bulgarians who still sing 'Awara Hoon'? Good old days they say...some other day for them. I will talk about the Formula-Mummy that I so badly miss..

May be because of the governmental thrust to create a 'scientific temper' among Indians, movies began to become formulaic, or may be life on the celluloid needed to be predictable. Probably this predictability gave some comfort to my poor audience who sat cramped in those dingy movie halls. Oh those halls! How untidy they were! The air was a mix of popcorn,burnt-plastic,coconut oil,jasmines and tobacco. The A/C hardly functioned...and there was a nice 'separation of the classes'.

Oh this reminds me of one of my favoritest loan characters King Julian in Madagascar, of course a Holywood character(u expected me to like characters from here?)! How nicely he says, 'Whatever happened to the separation of classes?","you in-flight slave, ..nuts-on-a-silver-platter'

Back to my Formalaic-mommys...

There were formulas that I loved..those middle-aged yesteryear dream girls playing virtuous contemporary Virgin~Marys!It made me doubt if some women could indeed reproduce asexually.But sometimes these mothers 'totally-did-it' when deeply in love with handsome Rajesh Khannas who had the sad knack to die/disappear(Aradhana) leaving these impregnanted ladies(gasp!) without husbands. Wish all of them were as brainy as Sharmila in Aradhana to raise the baby in an orphanage and become an ayah. Most such women chose to suffer the wrath of the society or planted stories of parthenogenesis!

Among other things,they had predictable grey streaks in their otherwise well kept hair. Their dialogues stretched into pages and they had great power to invoke Gods when in extreme distress. I really loved the way Sai Baba granted Nirupa Roy the gift of sight in Amar Akbar Anthony.Filmistan studio, if my memory doesn't desert me!I took pride at the way Gods resided in me, how they did miraculous things, Ah! How they made Sridevi wear skin-tight-snake-dress!

Today, most Formula-mummys are bitter women who don't wear sarees, they are usually divorced and super-rich. They have this compelling artificiality about them, they are no longer comfortable 'mothering' their children. I don't understand, most of these women do not expect miracles to happen in life! They are widows-by-choice, they don't like grey streaks in their hairs, they have almost no dialogues and sometimes shake-a-leg to songs(yew!I hated Jaya Bacchan in Kal Ho Na Ho!). These women are so boring, and to top it all they fail to invoke the Gods!When was the last time an on-screen mother invoked God?The closest was Kirron Kher in OSO.

But, I know I can blame one man for all this. They call him KJ. Initially,he did bring in a whiff of fresh air but what followed wasn't the least promising. What is this obsession with stylizing my actors? Does every hero have to be super-humanly-Apollo-like-handsome?And those Stick insects that parade as heroines!What in the world happened to acting?And why does Abhay Deol think he can act?

I am Bollywood asking you, can you imagine how embarrassed I am amongst my kin? I am a name, I am an idea, I know I don't have a reputation, but, aren't you tired?

Wish I had a Formula-Mummy who could just invoke those Gods to bring some originality!

I miss your madness Sravana Kumara!

2010-12-03T18:02:00.003+05:30

"I miss your madness Sravana Kumara!"

Anil posted this on my wall.Where did I lose my madness?

There were times when me and my roomie in Bangalore had formed a 'Madiwala mallika Sherawat Fan Association' and practiced 'Tai Chi' at the oddest of hours(preferably at 2:00am, on the rooftop)! That was when my madness probably peaked! We wrote each other such idiotic mails that the Congress Party is AP would look like the most disciplined of associations. Such limericks and ideas were born that would Lewis Carroll stir in his grave!

There was the 'Bammagaru' madness when one of us would scream a shrill 'Bammagaru',at oddest of hours again and we would be ROFL!It was hilarious, a Bammagaru scream would usually be followed by many more Bammagaru screams that went shriller and shriller drowning in the cackles!Bammagaru!!!

That was also when we broke free on a beach in tiny Vettuvanganni. The madness continued well into the night till we almost had no clue about how we would reach Chennai. We did reach Chennai in wet clothes and frizziest hair,dirtiest pants and beach sand in all folds(all!) and as if to lighten the madness we dined at some super-hep place and caused at least 1500 head turnings!

Now head-turnings!

My neck has frozen,it refuses to turn. Its been over a month and no one seems to know the cause! But now that I realize that I have lost my madness, which was obviously 'light' on my head and substituted it with heavier 'wisdom',it all seems to make sense!

My head is full of wisdom(not mine,lots of borrowed wisdom!). Last week at the Orator's Club I ended my short speech on 'Self-Deception' quoting Oscar Wilde!My 3 minute oration started in the Mahabharata and ended with Oscar Wilde touching upon Global Warming and the disputable divinity of Krishna.

I have also realized I am no longer titillated by music in the myriad ways that I was earlier. I enjoy the repetitive noise of Arya-2 , 'Shiva Shambho'(adhurs) and Sheila Ki Jawani have trumped all the melody of Guzaarish!

Also! I tried cooking about a week ago. I tried making the famous Hyderabadi 'Double ka meetha' with disastrous results. The garden is a mess and the caterpillars that I allowed to grow on the Drumsticks are invading our garden!It rains caterpillars all day, the other day, I 'bagon'-sprayed them and fell nauseous. I doubt if even 1 caterpillar was killed.

Our garden yielded 2 tomatoes as opposed to the 100 gm of wheat that grew last year! I sowed paddy but failed to save 1 sapling! My marigolds refuse to bloom even after they are 3 foot tall! The little cacti has a bud that will not bloom!I am wondering if it is a tumor and not a bud!

I do not understand. The whole world seems to have no interest in my madnesses! What after Tim Burton ruined 'Alice in Wonderland'?Is madness going to the dogs?

I am hoping the orthopedic that I will see in 30 mins will have tips to lighten my head apart from some to strengthen my neck. I hope my name-forgetting illness is cured as a side-affect.(I can remember the Drs. intials as YD and not the name!)

Did I tell you about Avil, the sleeping pill?

When Massio and myself had sleeping trouble in college we liberally doped on Avil. So side-effects aren't always bad. That is enough sidey-ness for today!

See you in some other mood!Oops!If you happen to be less than 18 years of age, I hope you wouldn't practice what I didn't preach.

Reader's Block

2010-04-25T20:42:00.004+05:30

Started Reading:

Argumentative Indian-Amartya Sen

Nudge

Atlas Shrugged-Ayn Rand

Sons and Lovers-D.H.Lawrence

Planet India

The Ascent Of Money-Niall Fergusson

Rubaiyat-Omar Khayyam

An Equal Music-Vikram Seth

Hot,Flat and Crowded- Thomas Friedman

Lajja-Taslima Nasreen

Half Read:

The Diary of a Mad Man-Nikolai Gogol

The Overcoat and Other Stories-Nikolai Gogol

Dr.Jeckyll and Mr.Hyde(I know the story!)

Freakanomics

Almost Read:

Shantaram-Gregory David Roberts

Post American World-Fareed Zakaria

Everybody Loves a Good Drought-P.Sainath

Tipping Point- Malcom Gladwell

World Is Flat

Its not like I cannot complete books, but once I catch a new book I don't go back to the old ones. Am I subconsciously confusing books for lovers? Or do I have the soul of a silverfish in a human body?What is this disease called?

Whatever the diagnosis, there is always light at the end of the tunnel, that there is another list.

The Abandoned.

The Alchemist-Paulo Coelho

I'll Always Have Paris- Art Buchwald

Sometime in time, I will hopefully complete reading the other books.And another list that has given me some more hope over the past few days.

Devoured:

Nehru-A contemporary's estimate by Walter Crocker(thanks Umair!)

The White Tiger-Aravind Adiga(thanks Rajini Kanth,Marathi Manoos, Oco)

***

I chanced upon this interview of Stephen Fry(!!) and this is what he says about first love.

"Like a lot of first loves, certainly first loves for sensitive people such as I was then I guess I have what I have is called the primary writer’s arrogance of assuming that my experiences are common to everyone else’s experiences, sometimes it is true, mostly one hopes it’s true and therefore that’s what one likes in a writer. You think oh, I feel that too. Just occasionally you might express a feeling and everyone goes, “What?” Then it’s very embarrassing, but I’m assuming that most people their first love when they’re teenaged that unbelievable hole that opens up inside them of longing and yearning, of pain, of joy, that huge great bundle of toxic emotions and allied to beauty and opening out into nature and to glory and suddenly connecting you with every love poet and every love song ever written that that explosion in my head and heart will never be matched. You can never hope to recapture the first fine careless rapture as the poet put it, but it stays with you like a good acid trip. You know you get a little flashback every now and again. It will never leave you and it teaches you to look at things differently and to feel things differently. It educates your soul if you like and all first love is unrequited ultimately because it’s so huge. It’s such an act of giving and it requires so much back that it can never be given back and in that you wouldn’t necessarily want to give them back. It’s just like a… It is like an atom bomb. It is like… It’s all the energy of who you are and who you want to be and what you love and what you hope to be explodes and it is impossible for a single human being to offer that back to you in a mutual way. It would be like matter meeting antimatter. It’s sort of almost important that what you do is worship and yearn and long, but so that was to me of course the single most important thing in my life and occasionally I get dreams and I’m back there again and I’m still as trembly as every I was and I get… because I’ve written about it I get emails and Twitters, whatever from people in you know in adolescence who are going through the same thing and say, “Oh, I read your book and it was the same for me and it is the same for me and he’ll never look at me, she’ll never look at me.” “What can I do?” “I’ll make a fool of myself.” “Should I write them a poem?” And, “What if they reject me?” And, “oh my God.” And I read that and … You know these vast sagas, these romantic sagas that are played out in every school, in every village and every town and every country in the world. It’s going on. It’s all this massive emotional energy just spreading outwards and some of it is… and totally unhappily, so the only thing that saddens me is that the, I suppose the default community attitude of kids is to suppress it and to smother it and to pretend it isn’t there and to be ashamed of it, not because it’s transgressive or because it’s gay necessarily. It’s just as, just as, just as problematical if it’s straight. It’s nothing to do with that, but because the school yard attitude is that you don’t talk about these things. There is no… You know you feel all this emotion, but the language for it is forbidden really. You just don’t do it, unless I think girls are probably better at it and maybe the online community helps with it. Chat rooms and things you can express yourself, but generally speaking boys of fifteen, sixteen are much more interested in sport or even if they’re not more interested in sport and their soul is yearning they’re not going to say it and if only they could it would be good. "

Harvest Time!

2010-04-13T20:33:00.005+05:30

My wheat crop,micro crop rather, is ready for harvest! Remember, I was dreaming of Kareena careening in them in 'theth Punjabi'? But now I want Amrita Rao to run in them, or may be Vidya Balan, sorry Kareena. A routine case of male fickleness. Evolution to blame!

What does the picture below remind you of? The One Rupee Coin?

And this was how they were about a month ago.

And,I leave you with this heirloom, a 'pandiri-mancham'(a pompous word for a sort of High Four Poster Bed) belonging to the early 1900s. Used by my grandfather, written in Telugu is his name, Sasisekhara Rao and below in Urdu is my grandmother's name, Durgamba(in brackets). Urdu because my great grandpa worked for the Nizam, and my grandpa for the British in Secunderabad.

Oh and those clovers and aces! I am sure you wouldn't mind another look at the bed. Excuse the madness, me+nephews+nieces=madness.

(Clockwise from top left)Shonu,Sweth,Jitu,Me,Sunny

Such co-operation in madness. :)

Game for some more nephews+nieces+me?Next time.

Fall from Grace!

2010-04-09T21:45:00.004+05:30

The last few days have been disappointing,for a lot of people I have adored have let themselves down.

N.Ram of The Hindu, Telugu Movie Director Shekhar Kammula of 'Happy Days' and Sania Mirza of Shoaib Malik!!!

To start off, why Pakistanis of all Idiots in the world?And to put it mildly why Shoaib Malik of all the dim wits?That Dimwit thinks he'd disappointed "all the Muslims" in the world for not winning the T20 World Cup 2007!!!Irfan Pathan, Zaheer Khan?Hello!

I have been a great Sania-fan, for her forehands and T-Shirts.Also, for her guts, for shutting off the whining 'minuscule conservatives' about her choice of dressing.In one press conference she calmly knocked the ever speculating media into senses, saying "If all 'ifs and buts' were true all my uncles would be aunties!". How axiomatic of speculation in sports. If not for those 1000 unforced errors Sania Mirza would have been world number 1!!!

Sania, I do hope Mr.Malik mends his image and you have a great marriage. Teach him some sense first. But for you clearly it was a murky fall from grace!

Shekhar Kammula, the man who made Godavari-an epic love story. A man who made Telugu movies worth waiting for(again). A man whose work stood out in all the formulaic balderdash, of graceful drama amidst repulsive pelvic thrusts, of subtle humor amongst over the top buffoonery, of music and lyrics amidst vulgarity and drum beats!

He was the Man with a difference,until 'Leader' happened!

Haven't seen such incoherent screen play in a long time. Was Sekhar sleep walking?

And to top it all the hero, Rana or wateva, cannot act for his life!Cannot!

And what are Leaders made of? Half baked ideas?Relentless pussy footing?

Shekhar please unlearn 'Leader', watch some Mani Ratnam, please dust your brains. Please. Please. I want to wait for your next movie not dread it!

N.Ram

Oh!For all your high sounding legalistic defense about 'The Hindu (Divided) Family', please shed all the 'holier-than-thou'-ness. Please stop putting up that self-righteous air so characteristic of narcissistic Leftists! What else can I make of this 'recent' highly opinionated editorial of yours?

Eleven In a Row(DMK won 11 by-elections in a row, if you remember the elections, it had only scraped through with help from Congress and Color TVs!). And the TN Govt carries a 3/4th page advert in Tamil in all the 'national' editions of 'The Hindu'. Why? Will Ram answer this, or will he file a defamation suit. Oops,weren't you against its' usage? Didn't you support M F Hussain's right to draw tasteless pictures of Goddesses and Gods?Or was that because you are a closet iconoclast searching for secular props?

And the Op-Eds in your paper!As if nothing else matters in the world, such blah-ness!And how the Reader's Editor has been cut to nothingness!And where should I begin about the partisan coverage that the Indo-US Nuclear Deal got, or the muted reporting on Gen.Fonseka issue?Or the Civilian Nuclear Liability Bill?

I am surprised at how Mr.Ram has been ru(i)nning the paper. Where is all the erudition Mr.Ram?One has to look inwards sometimes.

Of all the three, Mr.Ram's fall has been the steepest. And I don't see much scope for redemption. Unless all the legalistic high-sounded-ness is buried for plain sensible English.

I am sure many many people have been let down.

Time for an Agricultural Budget?

2010-03-15T19:50:00.004+05:30

60% of India is into agriculture for livelihood, and the coming years will see this sector facing stern challenges.Climate change in the long run, and more importantly decreasing attention in the short run. So, how about a budget for the "rural industry" of India?For the Aam-Aadmi?

Mamata Di's Bengal Railway Budget was a shame. Taxpayers will now be paying for Bengal's cultural indulgence!Pranab Da meanwhile sat with FICCI and CII and delivered a budget that was received with "hanger-in-mouth-smiles". Good for the economy but unnerving too. The last time this happened, P.Sainath will tell us, there was agricultural distress. Booming stock markets in Mumbai, rising suicides in Vidarbha.

How about having an Agricultural Budget next year. Why can't Dietitian Sharad Pawar(thanks to the"eat less sugar"suggestion!) sit with farmers from all over country(small and large farmers) and present a budget that will effect similar smiles?(not calling for populism!)

And for a change can we shift the next Railway Budget speech to the Bengal Assembly?There is hardly anything "national" in it!

2009

2010-01-09T16:57:00.002+05:30

2009 was a crazy year.Sample some craziness.

Some random girl in a class tells me "You look like Rahul Mahajan". Crazy! Why him of all people?Tell me I look like the pan-dabba-wallah I wouldn't blog about it.

Ask me( in pure astonishment), "How come you speak Telugu?I thought you were from Mizoram". I will keep telling everyone that my humshakal(look-alike) from Mizoram was actually a Punjabi!

Tell me,"You look like Heath Streak", I'd harmlessly fumble and keep decoding it from the rest of my life.(Heath Streak-the Zimbabwean Cricket captain!). Calling me a "bondhu" or "Aniruddin" or Yemeni's maid wondering "Atanu Turkayana?" will all be accepted.

Ask me confusedly a dozen times,"Where are you from?" but don't ever ever drop bolts from heaven.

It seems Random Girl thinks my English has an Andhra accent and so she drops the bolt,"So you are from Andhra!". I mean no one has ever been sure about where I belong, not even people in Hyderabad. Unfair!It seems I say 'July' in a very Andhra sort of way!

And what is more idiotic...calling a 23 year old "cute" at 12 pm. Sorry, next time I am called "cute", I will not parse it to mean "boyish sexiness" and will reciprocate with "you look like a zoozoo" or "you look funny"!Cute has been removed from the 'Flirt's dictionary 2010'.Wake up,It is not 2009 anymore!2010 is the Chinese Year of the Tiger, and my family name is half-tiger. It is irrelevant that the other half means 'hut'!Stupid ancestral villages!And thanks Tiger(not the one in the Woods, the golfer Woods) for sharing my name.

In 2009,at least two people christened me 'Pandit'. One was a rather healthy North Indian co-passenger on A P Express. A Christian from Ghaziabad who's married into a Pandit's family she said without me asking.

Another was an overtly casteist(but cute) friend. I can suffer casteist guys, not girls, and not doctors, for God's sake, these people cut open people!But shocking how they said, "Pandit right?".A south Indian translation would be "Pappannam right?"(Telugu) or "Shanjanitonitaninenano!"(tamil!) lol!

To quote Shylock,"fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases,heal'd by the same means, warm'd and cool'd by the same winter and summer, ... If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die?And if you wrong us, do we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that."

The North Indian fixation with last name and thus caste is crazy!Even Comrades from Bengal want my last name!!!"What is your last name?", she asked. "South Indians have crazy last names..", I tried explaining.

But then, she wanted a last name!Something like "Rao or Sharma or Murthy.."."Rao" I said.Then comrade feigned satisfaction.Rao is no caste name.

And what else for 2009?The crazy trips to places north of Delhi, and visitors from exotic places. Did you ever meet an Estonian?I did!

So 2009 in all was a year of many many diary entries, new frontiers-- professional and personal. And a year in which I punctured my ego a little,I cut myself off from being a full time romantic. (But yesterday I watched 'Shakespeare in Love', God!2010 started off on coochie-moochie-ness!Behave 2010!). Of course, it had shades of despondence, what with the never ending Delhi heat!I wonder if I am cold blooded!Seasons have such crazy effects on me!

For 2010, I do have resolutions.

I hope to do well as a person, tone down the overt "aah!the vale of Kashmir"-ness,try to get along even better with Nanna and Amma(as if I have a choice!:P), I hope the phases of the moon affect me less.I hope to make a trip to Kerala for the monsoons with Yemeni!Kill some of the pessimisim in my DNA and I hope to be grounded. As if I have a choice!There I go! A budding cynic!

To all my readers, I wish my heart's content of goodness. I wish you sacrifice less and get more. I wish you health and wealth(if you donate!), I wish the summer is not unduly harsh. I hope the monsoon turns up on time. I hope the sunbirds, wren warblers, bulbuls, munias and house sparrows keep disturbing my afternoons.

And please pray for the little wheat crop that I have planted in my garden, pray that Kareena Kapoor runs madly singing in 'theth Punjabi'/'Chitra's Telugu' in them. Till then!Ciao!(Hugs)

Fasting and Sprinting!

2009-12-21T22:10:00.006+05:30

Sprinting at its best!

Today was one of the best days for Telugu media ever!Vijayawada MP Rajagopal escaped police custody in Vijayawada in full media glare.And after a night of chaos he turned up at NIMS(Hospital), got down in an auto and ran into the hospital and jumped onto a bed!

It sounds crazy funny in Telugu-"చొప్పున ఓ వార్డు లో మంచం పై ఎగిరి పడుకున్న రాజగోపాల్ ".A rough translation,'Rajagopal jumps onto a hospital ward bed in a jiffy'. See the video(At 0:16s), can anyone beat the drama? Not just the figurative drama, look at the 'literal' drama of it all!!!

To top this, the 'MP' has been fasting for about 6 days. Was he a sprinter in college days?

Anyways, there is much more to drama. Remember when KCR started his fast? On Nov 29th, a Sunday. Why Sunday of all days?Of course to use the media as a tool to send out his message, to create an impact!Otherwise, KCR's fast would have become a scroll-line news by 9pm.Most of Andhra/India would have missed it!Clever man!

And, unfortunately people are still not tired of the fracas over Andhra and Telengana! All credit to media and sprinters like P T Usha, err...Rajagopal!And, well the Govt. has suspended the Police Commsnr. of Vijayawada.No cases against Rajagopal for escaping from police detention?

***

Sycophancy at its best!

The other day,Ms.Geetha Reddy addressed the press(after a meeting of Telangana MPs of the Congress) and called for restoration of peace(for about 2 minutes) and then reprimanded party workers who had burnt Madam Sonia's posters(in Andhra).She repeated twice(loudly) 'this will not be tolerated'

Dear Ms.Minister, what about the hundreds of buses that were set on fire?That will be tolerated,wouldn't it?How about painting buses with a face of Madam Sonia, may be the minister will ask the rioters to just burn the insides of buses, not spoiling 'Madam's' posters on the buses!

How about naming the state Sonia Pradesh, then may be, she will reprimand everyone who tries to split it!Or may be Telangana can be called 'Sonia's Samajika Telangana'. What hasn't been named after the Gandhis?Telangana state was touted as Madam Sonia's birthday gift!Nice idea!I'm sure Geeta Reddy will put forward this suggestion when she goes to Delhi next!

Good God!Take these sycophants to the age of slavery, they would be better off licking their master's horses' polished arses!

***

Travesty at its best!

And after 19 years, today a High Court has sentenced a former DGP of Haryana,Mr.Rathore to 6 months in prison for molesting a budding tennis player who was aged 13(Ruchika). She committed suicide at 17 for reasons that are very easy to guess for any Indian.

Rathore was working in the Sports Department,that man was later promoted to become a DGP, he retired in 2006. Now he's got a sentence of 6 months?6 months?For ruining a girl child's dream?For trying to tamper with evidence, mounting covert pressure on the victim's family and then driving her to suicide?Outrageous!

Outrageous because this man hasn't been punished for a very long time while the girl's family has suffered for no fault at all!And then, when the verdict is delivered, he gets a paltry sentence?How much can people be fooled, isn't this a clear travesty of justice?Is Chief Justice K G Balakrishnan listening or busy forming his views on how to protect P.D.Dinakaran. He must be one of the most unworthy fellows who have ever taken the post of CJI in India!(What with his flip flops on the RTI on Judges' Assets).

Mr.Rathore even got a bail and is probably ordering 'child porn' over his Government provided computer!

Kids-II

2009-12-19T21:57:00.004+05:30

Today Vissu came home. 7 year old boy. Brown eyes and impish charm.We played a game.

He was bored with all the grown ups talking about 'Life in the US','Need to adapt to cultures' and such other complete blah. And considering the perpetual eternal boredom that I have been sending out into ether-through my muffled yawns and plastic grins-Vissu found company and we invented a game. It is very irrelevant now,whether the elders took exception to this or not,primarily because they were not part of our game. More primarily, elders always tend to play extremely idiotic and predictable games, what is the fun if the bishop can move only diagonally always?And as if the lack of imagination is not showing fully, the bishop is to move only along a straight line, why can't he make a V or a Z?Gobbling up everything on his way like PACMAN!Whoever invented pacman!Hats off!

If I were a video game, I would be pacman.

Vissu calmly foraged through his mother's hand bag and fished out an old Bill from a Saree shop. He handed it over to me silently, trusting me to conjure a 'game'. What will anyone do with an old bill?

Imaginative people play the 'Billing' game!

Immediately I wrote down 'Chocolates Rs. 500, Stones Rs. 1000' and asked Vissu to cough up the money! What did V do?

He in turn wrote me a bill, selling me '1000 Dogs for Rs. 12,000'. Demanding me to pay.

I demanded the thousand dogs, he got angry and sold me another '73 Horses' for something like 18 lacs!

I grabbed the Bill, sold him '1800 Elephants and a 100 Rats for around 1.5 crores'.

V grabbed the Bill, sold me '1300 Zebras for 1 followed by many zeroes' that snaked around the whole paper!

I demanded my Zebras,Dogs and Horses! He wanted his Elephants and Rats.

We were laughing out loud, the audience was not impressed, they were looking into books and fixing up a 'rendezvous' on an 'auspicious' day!

For all the math that I know. I owe him close to a billion, he owes me around 3 million!Only wish we had more time to conclude the game! Vissu had to leave because some grown-ups had to catch a Bus to some godforsaken place by night!

How should the game have concluded.Hmm, may be dreaming will help!

Now, because I have mentioned dreaming, one of my recent dreams went so haywire thatI have completely stopped dreaming after that,in abject awe of the level-of-haywire-ness that was achieved.

It was quite a while ago, there was something wrong with the world, something about people puking all over the planet, and then there is a bomb scare in National Institute for Nutrition(yeah the one in Tarnaka!NIN,Hyderabad!), and suddenly my mobile rings.

Guess whos calling? L K Advani.Yeah of all people!

And then, as soon I see the name of the caller I decide that 'It must be true', I have no clue what that 'it' was/is. I don't take the call and cry in disbelief,'It is true!'!!!WTF???

So after that dream, my dreams have been taking a break.

Meanwhile,one of my closest buds has recently become aware of the power of the 'F' word. His vocab, at least on the phone, was replete with so many Fs it could have created a baby!

And I am finally on Facebook and Twitter, while I slowly understand what a #chetanblocks means, I am completely clueless on Fb, its like suddenly I belong to a different generation. It is true!

Kids

2009-12-07T22:44:00.003+05:30

6 year old Himaja came home.

I was meeting her for the first time, as I showed her around she was disappointed that our garden had no flowers. I told her my Mom plucked them for her morning puja, she wasn't happy. Then I showed her a Wren Warbler that was having an afternoon bath in the plastic 'bird bath'.

She liked the little bird and said, "Can I have it?".

I said, 'The bird has a home. It can't stay at your place.'

She replied,"Where is her mom?"

***

H went on about how she has many friends in her apartment. Chikki, Rinku, Teenu, Tarun Rayudu and Tarun, only Tarun was taller than her. And this girl called Ruchi in her class always gets straight A+,and has a handwriting to die for. While Ruchi gets "very Good & three stars,I get One star and 'Practice more'" she lamented.

***

H wanted me to play the jumping game. Jump from the higher step to the lower and back.

I said "I am not a kid, u play I'll watch"

H, "You?"

"Yes Me"

"You are not an adult,You can play"

I was smiling like crazy!Love you gal!

***

H, in complete 'unbelievable'-ness, "Is this your bike?"

Me, "yes"(proudly)

H, "wow, you have a bike!So,do you have a car?"

***

Notwithstanding the fact that I have put up nearly 7-8 kilos in the past 3 months!(boo hoo!!!)

Even notwithstanding my extremely irritating unshaven look, H thought I was a kid.

Or did she go beyond looks?Tell me kids!Can you look through me?

Next time you come home, I will do something very grown up, Like drinking tea with my glasses on!Like growing a moustache?A French?

Two States.

2009-12-05T20:30:00.006+05:30

No, I am not talking about Chetan Bhagat's latest 'cool' book. The two states in question are Andhra and Telangana. I am offering a short primer before I go into the details.

Primer:

Andhra and Telangana were never a continuous 'Administrative unit', at least for the past 200 years, and their only connection is the mother language-Telugu.It was only in 1956 through the famous 'Gentlemen's Agreement of 1956' that the 9 Telugu-speaking districts of 'Hyderabad State' joined Andhra to form the modern AP.

Back in time...While great Telugu poets like Nannayya(10th Century) belonged to the region that we call Telengana today, it will be a gross injustice to the 'East African Rift valley' if I stop just at the '10th Century A.D." Because 100,000 years ago, all our ancestors were hunting game and practicing polygamy in the African Rift Valley!

The rich deltas of Krishna and Godavari was where the Telugu language prospered, though its roots were firm in the entire region south of Godavari and north of the River Penna.(roughly the modern state of Andhra Pradesh).

While Telugu in Andhra was progressively Sanskritized by the Brahminical Class, the Telugu of Telangana was greatly influenced by Urdu under the Nizam and retained some uniquely Telugu words. However again, it would be great injustice to say that the whole of Telangana speaks the same dialect, each region in Telengana has a distinct dialect. Anyways, for all the natural advantages that Andhra possessed, it grew into a place of enterprising agriculturists who branched out to regions as far as South Karnataka and North Telangana. The economically advanced Andhraites, due to the geographical proximity to Madras, were better educated and cornered plum jobs all over the State.

Telangana as a region suffered, despite possessing great mineral wealth and being a power-surplus region. The periodic droughts and the Naxalites made things even worse.

After a series of bloody agitations, truce was reached, the state of AP was saved from bifurcation.

To complicate things, cultural stereotypes exist even today. Goons in Telugu movies are shown to have a 'Telangana Accent'. And the general public is of the view that 'Pure Telugu' was the one spoken by the people from Andhra and the Telangana dialect was not Telugu at all! I was a witness to this argument at least a gazilion times in my life. Is there at all any 'pure' language in the world?Isn't there an Australian, a Canadian, a South-African English? Why can't there be two Telugus?or ten?

It beats me!Its like the Punjabi-Haryanvi equation! For some strange reason Punjabi is the coolest and sweetest language, while Haryanvi is rustic and brash!Bull crap!

Language and dialects need another post.

***

But, I have never been able to spell out clearly if a T State is needed. Last winter,One friend from Haryana asked me 'Where are you from?",I said "Hyderabad", and quite out of the blue,he asked me,"Do you support Telengana?"

I was shocked about how confused I was. I told him it was a non-issue, people have matured and they don't fall into such pure political traps.

Day before yesterday Massio asked me the same question, I told him 'I was confused'. Over the past few days, some of the mist has lifted, I will present them shortly!

I carry some historical baggage, of belonging to a family of 'settlers'(from Andhra). My paternal grandfather from Guntur(migrated to Secunderabad way back in early 1900s to work for the British) and maternal from Godavari. I grew in predominantly 'Hyderabadi' Sitafalmandi. My neighbours were Marathi(The Puttu family),Tamil(The Mama/Mami),Kannada(The Baruvaiahs). In the same street,there were Mudaliars,Anglo Indians and Muslims. The locality was predominantly Telangana with about 20-30 families of 'settlers' from Andhra.It was like the microcosm of India.

'Settlers'-this word gives me jitters. Who is not a settler in Hyderabad?

So, here are my 2 cents on why the idea of AP should not be destroyed:

Reason 1:Political

Smaller states like Chattisgarh(Cha) and Jharkhand(Jha) have seen ineffective and corrupt governments.Because of the smaller no. of MLAs in Legislature, Jha has ben under President Rule for a long time.Assemblies with 60-90 MLAs can be held hostage by a small number of 5-10 independents/fringe parties.

States like Haryana-90 MLAs('The Aya Ram/Gaya Ram' era), Goa-60 MLAs(Has it ever has a CM for a full 5 yr term?). Haryana's INC Govt now stands because of this fringe party led by K.S.Bishnoi!And, dominant castes like the Jats rule the roost, in a multi-party democracy you don't need 50% vote, a loyal 25-30% vote is enough.Realpolitik holds bleak future for smaller states.

Reason 2: Law and Order

Cha and Jha have failed to tackle Maoism, many villages in the interior regions are under the Maoist control. AP on the other hand raised the Greyhounds(an elite anti-naxal police force) to drive extremist violence out of Telangana. A smaller state wouldn't have had the resources to do it.With a history of political violence, God forbid, but if Maoism finds roots in T, I'm a shit scared it will become another Cha/Jha!

I don't see this happening immediately after the formation of the T state, but after 2-3 yrs, when the new Govt would not have lived up to popular expectations, it wouldn't be difficult to guess what the former naxals and extremists will do.Will a small state be able to resists the multi-state, China supported Maoists.

Remember, Law and Order is a State Subject!

Reason 3:Finances

States like Cha and Jha get very small amounts of 'Plan expenditure' from Center, if they were part of the larger states they could have lobbied for greater amounts.
The Center distributes funds to States based on a formula(Mukherjee/Gadgil/Rangarajan formula) that takes Population,Area and certain progressive data(like financial reforms) as criteria. Larger states with greater population and area get greater share by default, and in cases where a state has 42 MPs it can do wonders to draw more 'Plan assistance'.
Remember the golden days for AP under the NDA?
Now these states-Cha and Jha need heavy central assistance to meet their developmental demands. On a more realistic note, with the Jharkhands developmental assistance landed right into Madhu Koda's lap. Isn't it easier for 'The Madhu Kodas' to survive in the smaller states?Winning 40 MLAs is child's play, just offer them shares in your new venture in Africa!

Reason 4: KCR
This man speaks with such venom, my God!I often fall for his emotional outbursts and end up losing my argument in emotion. What has this man done for his constituency?In Mahabubnagar he was heckled about a year ago for not visiting his constituency even once!
But such a politician! After the rout that his party received in 2009, look how he has stirred up crazy sentiments across the State! Suddenly, why has fiery and sharp-tongued KCR become a Gandhian taking a fast-unto-death?Is it because he sees political opportunity?
And does he have a vision for Telangana? Like Naidu had for Hyd? Has he raised voice against how the Mining Mafia has held Karnataka to hostage? A mineral rich T-state will need to have a perfect mining policy!
Does he even talk of education/health/basic facilities?Is Telengana a panacea? A cure-all?Will it relieve tribes in Adilabad from malaria?(yes!ppl in North Telengana die of malaria!)What will the new State do?Does he even talk about agricultural distress in drought prone T?
By politicising educational instis like OU and KU, what is the guarantee that after the T-State is formed these universities will not erupt in agitations for some other issue? Maoism might find safe haven in this radicalization.
This man is a potential Madhu Koda. His party already has some dynasty, nephew Harish Rao and son K.T.Rama Rao!
And not until his fast and clever 'student politics' did any one care about T? Hasn't he succeeded in radicalizing the debate. Clever people have fallen for his tactics! I see the 'creme de la cream' of BITS/IITs falling for this emotional maneuvering.

And this whole argument of being 'robbed' by the Andhra people is so unfounded!Its like Mumbai being robbed by North/South Indians. Without 'migrants' where is progress? Please read the Human Development Report-2009-this link has a gist of the report.("global distribution of capabilities is extraordinarily unequal, and that this is a major driver for movement of people. Migration can expand their choices —in terms of incomes, accessing services and participation")
Without the Narayanas/Sri Chaitanya/Gautams where would education have been in Telangana?With AP now having gas reserves in KG basin, would T not benefit from cheap gas?What about TTD in Tirupati?I am not saying that only people from Andhra are intelligent/did T a favor!It was just a historical advantage that benefited them. Telengana people/people everywhere in general are equally capable, it is just a matter of time!
And,What if Telengana has mineral resources? Do read the resource-curse theory! Even Zaire has mineral resources and so does Jharkhand!It's not enough to have resources, it is important to handle them well!Also, actually Rayalseema is more rich in minerals than Telangana, the world's largest reserves of 'Barytes' are in Kadapa, limestone,dolomite,gold! Andhra has rich bauxite reserves. T has the 'Singareni stretch of Gondwana Coal'(inferior quality comapred to Jharia/Bokaro).

My fears:
I am not sure if readers will read this in the right perspective. I only ask you to seperate emotion from logical thinking. Please note the facts.
Remember, never believe a politician until you are convinced of a 'history of sincerity'.(remember Babri!such a blot on our secular structure!)
Can't we all fight for eradication of greater evils?Like corrupt government, like health and education?
Coming back,politically,Andhra Pradesh as a State will have a greater say in the Indian Union, as 2 or 3 separate units they will be reduced to statistics. Do the people of Telangana really want Telangana, or has KCR taken everybody on a fancy emotional ride?Just think about what were your views pre and post the 11 day fast. Did you fall for cinematic emotion?No thanks, stupid electronic media!

PS:All said and done, if T is made a separate state, Hyderabad should be a part of it! To carve out artificial geographical separations will be gross injustice to the infant state. Hyderabad, if in good hands,can become a growth pole to bring development into the T state. A separate UT of Hyderabad will leave a wound that would never heal, a real insult to the T-region.

Autumn Autumn!

2009-11-09T18:02:00.006+05:30

I am a romantic.On and Off.Autumn is luckily for you(haa haa!),On Season!!!

My favorite tree "Punnaga Malli/Millingtonia Hortensis/Akash Neem" is in bloom.

In the land of six seasons, that is India, this is the Sarad Season-the season of refulgent moonlight and according to Kalidasa (Ritu Samahara), a season of "golden plentitudes"! Well,the romantic clicked the Muse Millingtonia on a Kartika(Hindu Month) Full Moon day!

***

Punnaga Malli

The Flowery stars burst out at night,

Nightly stars, in their own right,

They look for love or may be a Knight,

Unlike their heavenly cousins-at a lesser height!

Scenting the night-young, intoxicating!

Peeping out in bouquets, scintillating!

Flirting with the wind,shadow kissing!

Wherst the Knight?Irritating!

As the nightly stars drown,

'Tis time now to pass the crown,

To fall from the heights down,

Into the arms of the earthy lawn.

They fall off to the dusty grove,

To paths of filth but they still strove

To wish luck to their like above,

Readying for the night,again for love.

***

Lo!See how I become a poet, I tell you it is very very effortless!

The intoxicating smell creates a near-Shakespearean impact. Its like the 'Love Tonic' of Mid Summer Night's Dream.So all my lovers, you know now,how I will love you back,just take me near the 'Punnaga Malli'.(:D)

Yeah,like anybody cares? :D

One more:

This was on Nov 7th, Mom "allu"-fied all the flowers into this beauty!Should the poem go to this sisterly bunch or the "hide-and-seek" moon?

So, I end my bard~ly-peregrinations but wonder,why is it that Science doesn't fully convince the nature-maniac?Why does the Fungi at the damp tree bark use dull spores for reproduction?Why does the majestic tree choose a romantic flower-scent combination?What is this maddening plurality?

Or is it sheer creativity?But science says it all boils down to bio-chemistry? If I told you that the scent was nothing a chemical called Mono-utopia Meta-Physycsoxin stimulating your olfactory senses?And that all this happened by accident?What would you do?

I would pray to God to save the Millingtonia Hortensis.

Laws of Conservation of Friends

2009-11-06T15:28:00.004+05:30

I have been always thinking why I haven't been able to "stay in touch", as much as I would want to, well who is to blame?Me?Times?Or the new Law of Conservation of Friends?(That I will shortly put forward!)

Well the first law is almost like that of Thermodynamics!

Law 1:

Friends can neither be created nor destroyed. They can only be transformed from one type to another.

Creating/making friends is a virtual thing(read as blah).Nobody wakes up one day and decides, "well I'm gonna make 6 friends today, 2 male and 2 female"(and the other 2?).But you can always "cook friends",as in a friend's friend is easier to be mentioned as a friend. Its like Ramya Krishna being my cousin sister, its better than telling the whole story about how I have to ask my dad every time about how she is my cousin!Cooking is not creating just like discovering is not inventing.

I also think nice friends can never stop being friends.Say, you are out eating Chole-Kulche in Karol Bagh(Yummy!!!) with a "only for treats" friend and say you meet a friend after a very very long time. I'm sure you will ask this "friend" to join the treat or at least exchange numbers!And if you have to introduce him/her, you will most likely call him a friend or even better an "old friend"(and if you've got the cheek "older",great way to embarass females!)

So the fact is friends can't be destroyed!Not in the age of virtual networks when you have old/older friends who go back 15 years and ask you if you are still a "mama's boy", or write embarassing testimonials!(some make you wonder if you should tell the whole world to just shut up and follow the new religion of worshipping the new God, the "You" with the New testimonial!).More on Testimonials later!

And how are friends transformed?Pretty simple, friends become old friends, weekend friends, opportunistic friends, just friends and more positively- good friends, currently the most visited/called friend, "shoulder to cry on" friends, "share my madness" friends, very close friends and so on and so forth.

But the crux of the whole theory of Friendship lies in the 2nd Law and most surprisingly, much like the 2nd Law of thermodynamics, there is great co-relation.

The 2nd Law:

When people move from one place to another and make new friends there is a loss of friendliness in the old friendships.

I don't think this needs much proving to do!Not entirely because I don't completely understand the "loss of friendliness", also because I am pretty sure you think its non sense, blame your sanity if you don't.

Anyways, moving places, even within a city transforms people and relations.

How many of you can connect to your kindergarten friends at the same level again? Can you pinch people on their thighs and compare the pinkness of the weal?oops!

KG is different you may say, but is it me of is it sociological conditioning, I really have a tough tough time meeting old friends! I guess our images of people freeze at one point and we refuse to accept changes in people. Its like the "School mein to bahut gandi lagti thi, by God!The Behenji has become a Babe!".

I think I deserve a Nobel(in what?). And I think from now on, every testimonial needs to vouch for my "Nobel-worthy-nes".Or rather the Nobels' "Anirudh-worthiness"?Its like the Nobel(Peace) not deserving Gandhi! :D

Yours Lawfully!

Caw Caw..err...Bleat Bleat

2009-08-11T11:53:00.005+05:30

Phew!
Quiet a week it was!

Bought a Kurta(u knw my taste, if u dont....it rocks!),got a gift for my sister(Thanks Gaur!), watched Love Aaj Kal, met a great fundoo for IIML for Dinner and was blown away,such a peanut-sized brain i have!!And then there were some tests in between, results and exultation and today I'm at the palace!(not place)

Yes the oil massage, cricket with Germans, the pool, the guests from the "Ministry",the German keyboard(Rückgängig and Einfügen!!!),Volkspartein and BMW,the pool, the mini Golf with dearest Rene,the postponed rakhi and my new kurta, and phone calls, MEGAphors and mandodari!

And over the last two months..
A trip to Chandigarh!!!
YAY...me,Baya Bakari(the Yemenis) and Meha went to the Noodle Bar.M got such a high!!!(and so did yemenis).In the auto,on our way back to the hotel,the yemenis sang 'Mayadaari maisammo maisammaaa','Gaajuvaaka Pilla mem gaajulollam kaada' while poor Fraud punjabi Kudi was screaming at the top of her voice that she wanted something in Hindi!
So the Yemenis sang 'Emosanal Atyachaar'(with renewed stress on 'Bol WHORE why didiyou ditch me?','Whoooore','Ho gayi dil ki par tray-gidee') and followed it up with Raina Beeti jaaye!M was laughing like crazy, she was crazzzzzyyyyyyyyyyyy....

And then M realises that its 12 in the midnight-Chandigarh is empty except for the Punjabi street dogs(their girth i mean,nasty me!) and the auto drivers(who are suspect rapists according to M). M is shit scared, she's screaming at the top of her voice that the autowallahs can overpower me and rape the lasses :))
Yemenis were scared too, M somehow steers us safely to our destination.She also saved an as$,considering that I will try to stop the rapists if they get to business .(pun regretted)
After all, not all the auto wallahs are rapists, there are good people or just that they dont 'do' retarded people.

And the next day it was the turn of the Rock Garden, decent Punjabis were treated to rustic Yemeni antics,extremely disgusting potty jokes, random songs, animagi hysteria(we became lizards and spiders) and such uncivilised behaviour completely un-befitting of 22-23yr olds!(pics will be uploaded in due course,locked in M's cam)
And then we were back to our places watching a crappy movie, so we played the Yes Boss game, mute the TV and dub for the artists, it was another round of utterly disgusting potty jokes from Yemenis, a wife complaining to the psychologist about how her husband is interested in the potty habits of lions :D

Like all the good things have to end, retardation also had to end.On the Yemenis way back to Delhi there was a huge sandstorm and the bus broke down, 60km before Delhi!
At 11 in the night we were hitchhiking near the Haryana border, a nice sardar driver of Punjab roadways gave us a lift to Delhi.And so the madness ended with Baya Bakari chugging off to good old Hyderabad.

There is something we me and '60km from Delhi',the last time...A P Express stopped at Palwal as there was a derailment at Palwal, and the icing on the cake, i was travelling alone with luggage of 5 ppl, so I had to get down at Palwal,get to the bus station,get into a pakced Haryana roadways bus with all my luggage, get out of the bus and successfully catching all the luggage that was thrown out of the bus by co-passengers.I can go on and on about my luck with travel...

One more time,it was on my 1st trip to Pilani, we were dehydrated and shit -dazed,blame the hostile august weather of the desert and on our way I tell my long time frnd Massio 'Imagine if there is a puncture now?', and tusssssss.....puncture!!!!
No stepny!

One more(last one),Me and ahem-ahem on our way to bangalore in a dakota-bus,had to report to work the next day sharp at nine. At 3am in the wee hours of Monday the bus fails, puncture!, after an hour so it starts to only stop for a gear-box failure repair and before this...all throughout the night there is a choleric on the bus, asking for the driver to stop so that he could answer nature's calls. Can it get disgustin-er?Who must be my lucky star?(winking madly-hilarious madonna video!!!)

I am a survivor of a million such mishaps,of a smoke filled rustic haryana roadways bus
that veered off to Bhiwani instead of Pilani(blame addictive company!), of smoking passengers in the cold desert winters who wouldn't let us open the windows to let off the bidi smoke!Of flattenned tyres, or 10 hour journeys on desert roads in stark midnight,of Walruses for co-passengers on my way to Udupi, of gutsy Northie females who occupied our seats on A P Express.....aaaah!!!

So, the long and short of it is, I am in love with Punjabi Kudis now, esp. the Chandigarhis!So if u know anyone with an exceptionally bad taste for men(looks and otherwise), u know whom to call. ;)
And i dont mind haryanvis, if they can tolerate me singing:
Watch this please!!!
''Tenu kala chasma
Tenu kala chasma
Tenu kala chasma jach da eh
Jach da eh gorey mukhre te
Tenu kala chasma jach da eh
Jach da eh gorey mukhre te''
(Black goggles suit you, they suit your white face!)

''Teri na diyan dhuman pe gayaan
Tu Chandigarh to aayi ni
Chandigarh to aayi ni
Tenu dekh ke hoke parday ne
Khare chonkan vich sipahi ni
Thodi te kala til kuriye
Thodi te kala til kuriye
Jo daag aye chandey tukdey te ''But like u would say, its not abt me liking any1 or anything, its abt reciprocal feelings! :D

Don't u ever mistake my light-hearted bleating for desperate crowing!So until next time,Caw Caw,err Bleat Bleat!

The Swallow and the Reed.

2009-06-05T16:06:00.003+05:30

Like I promised myself earlier, I tried painting the "Swallow and the Reed" in water-colors. Here are the results...

The Swallow and the Reed

"One night there flew over the city a little Swallow. His friends had gone away to Egypt six weeks before, but he had stayed behind, for he was in love with the most beautiful Reed. He had met her early in the spring as he was flying down the river after a big yellow moth, and had been so attracted by her slender waist that he had stopped to talk to her. 'Shall I love you said the Swallow', who liked to come to the point at once, and the Reed made him a low bow. So he flew round and round her, touching the water with his wings, and making silver ripples. This was his courtship, and it lasted all through the summer. 'It is a ridiculous attachment,' twittered the other Swallows, 'she has no money, and far too many relations;' and indeed the river was quite full of Reeds. Then, when the autumn came, they all flew away. After they had gone he felt lonely, and began to tire of his lady-love. 'She has no conversation,' he said, 'and I am afraid that she is a coquette, for she is always flirting with the wind.' And certainly, whenever the wind blew, the Reed made the most graceful curtsies. I admit that she is domestic,' he continued, 'but I love travelling, and my wife, consequently, should love travelling also.'
'Will you come away with me?' he said finally to her; but the Reed shook her head, she was so attached to her home. 'You have been trifling with me,' he cried, 'I am off to the Pyramids. Good-bye!' and he flew away."
Link to the full story.
I'm in love with the lines above, like Phoebe Buffay says about the "Smelly Cat", I am sure these lines have many levels and I'm very sure Wilde,hade he been alive, would have agreed with me on this.

Regrets:
I have just tried keeping a promise, I hadn't much time at my disposal and hence wasn't in the mood to paint,lest the mood of the vibrant Egyptian Summer would have been the most evident aspect in the painting. I also regret having used watercolors which are only for the chivalrous..anyways,I am also uploading rough work which is actually my favorite!

I am not sure if I can ever de-Indianise my art. :)
I will be back with more color, and surely not watercolor,and something a little more obscure and free-willed and Picasso-like!

Due acknowledgements to:
Nanna & Amma(for making me feel like Pulipaka Picasso), Mrs.Shamita Goswami, The Art Book, the Internet and Oscar Wilde.

My Nephew R!

2009-05-23T07:19:00.003+05:30

"Are you a Man or a Boy?",R asked me in his trademark accent.
I was carrying R piggyback and felt happy that someone actually is wrong about my age and that too very positively!
"I am a Man",I chortled!
"Then why are you studying,only boys study...Common lets play AniHudh,lets play "Jumping on the Bed",...or Pillow Fight.."

This is called the logic of a 5 year old. I told him that I had to study only till Sunday and then we could play anything.R left with Martha and I felt very very very bad....This was last Saturday.

***

When I first met R, I asked him if he liked playing Cricket and pat came the answer, "I am a German!I play football, I don't play Cricket!"

It took some time for our wavelengths to match, it was actually the "jumping on the bed"game that started the resonance. R would wake up early on weekends,barge into my room and after the lovely Good Morning ask, "Anihhudh,Can you throw me on the bed like yesterday?"

"Only 5 times"

"No,2 times",R would say!Ah the innocence!

And then I would ask him, "What did you dream of yesterday?"
And with his characteristic smile, R would answer, "I was jumping on the bed..."

***

It was during Holi that R had taken great fondness to my face,he made it his Color Palette, any new color had to be tested on my face first, "Anihoooooooodh.....!!!!"My most memorable Holi in recent times!

***

"Do you like Salami Pizza?"
"I don't know, I don't think it is vegetarian."
"I will find out",and then R runs around the house for five minutes to find out if Salami is vegetarian!

***

"I am sleeping in Anihhudh's room today!"
"So,what story would you like today?"
"Tom and Jehhy!"
So,I tweaked "Little Red Riding Hood" and I am glad no one had told him the story of Ridinghood earlier 'coz he really liked my fake bedtime story!
And then I had to use "Fox in Socks,Knox in Box,Fox on Socks on Knox on Box...Sue sews whos socks..." and such other blah to finally put him to sleep!

The next day he wanted me to read him something in German, I tried(by making all Rs sound like rough Hs) but he couldn't take the fake German!

***

Some more R>>>
R loves "Pappu can't dance sala!", but he asked me,"What does Sala mean?"
He hardly speaks any Hindi/Telugu but he sure knows to say the most cutely(i hate the word!) sounding "Nahin".

And he also told me he knows the F word, and he uses it with such a mischievous smile, ah!he even escaped from any serious reprimands!

Our favorite song continues to be "Ilike ta movitmovit!"(Hail Kinf Julian I!).Last Sunday we were whistling "Ilike ta movitmovit" with our special moves(Hail King Julian I)...

Among other things, R can be effortlessly entertained with the magic words "Poopoo Kakaa"...hee hee!

R will turn 6 on July 14th, have to gift him something good. :)

Missing R.

I love them!

2009-04-26T12:59:00.003+05:30

Considering the fact that we stay on the 3rd floor and our clothesline has more clothes than clips, we are often knocking neighbour's doors collecting our clothes(we dont collect undergarments!!!)....

And I am quite sure our neighbours have a name for us..."The guys that donate VIPs" :D

Well,coming to the photoes,4 Bangalore girls stay in our apartment, and their clothesline is a favorite for our philandering clothes!I had to knock their door once and ask for a "near-threadbare" towel :P

But look wat the girls did before they left their place. :D

They gifted us a dozen clips, a hanger(to which was strung my room-mate's shirt) and lots of "PINK" messages!

I love them!But do you think we need to "Take care of our clothes". No, I dont think so!

The New Avatar

2009-04-01T13:32:00.001+05:30

The new avatar feels so blessed!He just thinks too good of himself. He had been peeled during Spring but has efficiently re-vegetated!

Yahoo!

PS: Same as the previous post

The Papaya Experiment

2009-03-02T17:38:00.004+05:30

If anything can happen over a coffee, why not over a papaya?3 days of relentless papaya-ing had granted 20 seconds of wasted opportunity(putting it very positively) and potent self-loathing that could last a lifetime!The experiment's denouement would be limited to giving the experimenter a stinging metaphor that he hopes would fall to sparing use in the future...

But, as they say, every cloud has a silver lining.

Do you remember the Swallow that fell in love with the reed and forgot to migrate for the winter, poor poor swallow spent the unforgiving winter on the "Happy Prince's" shoulders, narrating to him stories of the seamstress who couldn't afford oranges for her sick son....Oscar Wilde!!!

Anyways, I have been dying to pick up the painting brush and paint(some of my old works) the swallow and the reed(sometime in May!), water colours, aah the great Blue Nile and the singing Reed, the black-white Swallow and lovely sunshine!

And,If you call up someone and tell them you're feeling low, and dont want to tell them why, is it valid behaviour for the other person to shout at you?I would never do that.

And there are many other things that I had done in the past that I wouldn't do today!

"What goes around comes around"-is it so?

PS:You are perfectly sane if you have no idea of what I am talking about, I have been deliberately vague. On the contrary if you are still trying to figure out what could be the circle that I am drawing a tangent to, welcome to Psycholand!

Oh wherst good sense?

2009-02-23T17:55:00.004+05:30

Having lived with myself for a little over 23 years, I believe it is a cyclical pattern of living taht unites me as a person.Of feelings and emotions, of resignation and resolve,of change and challenges,of lessons,of self-imposed aloofness and much of muchness...

And suddenly there are things that make one change their whole concept of living and loving.And when I look at my personal diary(that I began addressing as Kitty,from the time I read 'The Secret Annexe-the diary of a young girl"...I know...its SO "phoolo phalo,khair chodo"(ppkc)...V has subtlely attached this "ppkc" tag to me that I am quite cool about! ) I find something new to read between those lines of momentary anguish!And sometimes dismiss them casually as part of "growing up".

Something happened over the past 15 days that has unleashed a barrage of searching questions on my general priorities in life.And I have had to take refuge in the greatest adage of all time, "Ignorance is bliss".

The good old Ignorant Indian Family Life, of naively living by inherited principles, on closing doors on yourself and killing "the you"....and again i am reminded of what Khalil Gibran says about children-"they are life's longing for itself, they come though you and not from you..."

How intelligently put!I a pretty sure this post has no head of tail, and such posts don't deserve editing for they will never be quoted by anyone ever!

Btw,some Dose of reality:

1.My Cook(Hindu) says that drinking water from a Mussalman's(Muslims) hands would pollute Hindus and very casually adds that in the place he lives no one drinks water near the muslim's houses.

2.There are educated men who believe that marrying off a Rape victim to a Rapist is a very nice way of delivering justice. They say "How can a raped woman lead a normal life?"And these are not people from rural Haryana(metaphor), they are well educated(not read) men wanting to get married.

I am not shocked.

Btw, there is one way to grow up.

www.meowfm.com (5pm to 8pm on weekdays, 10pm to 1 am on Wed and Thur)

Doggerel strikes back!

2009-02-12T17:39:00.002+05:30

Here I send your way some curses,

Kisses form lorries and bajaj pulsars!(kidding!)

Should you want to stop my incantation?

You can send me your wedding invitation.

Oh I don't want all that pity,

And excuses like "you weren't in city!"

Remember,even retards can marry!

Kidding I am,dont home this carry! :)

At this instance,

I lack 'pith and substance',

Some Retards have feeling,

Do you remember Scara Keeling?

LOLZ(the last two lines!)

Conversations in the capital-II

2009-01-20T18:20:00.005+05:30

I was getting late to the class again!I was sending brainwaves to the rickshaw-wallah to infuse a sense of my latent urgency in him.The bone-chilling cold, the "Delhi" traffic that is totally unmindful of the difference between honking at a motor vehicle and a rickshaw, the narrow lanes and "Delhi" street dogs sun-bathing like nothing mattered(the city rubs-off itself on any thing!)...I hate the rickshaws!I hate travelling in them, but I always choose a rickshaw over an auto, 'coz (1)I will be helping someone in relatively graver need of money (2)It is one of the most eco-friendly ways to travel!

So as we were negotiating gol-chakkars and lal-battis(YES!Thts wat these lovely people call traffic islands and Traffic Lights!Imagine the Telugu equivalent Gundrapu Chakkaru,Yerra Bulbu,you have to read Karthik on the importance of U in TelugU) the Rickshawallah says(between heavy breaths): "So who will unfurl the Tricolor, now that Manmohan is sick?"
I was like, "yeah, who will....", but isnt it the President who unfurls the flag?Anyways, I was shocked to know that the whole "Republic Day" thing matters to him!The idea of an India celebrating (its Constitution) matters to him!Heart breaking!
Does India think of him?Does he even own the rickshaw that he rides?Where does he sleep?How many people bargain with him over a paltry 10/15?
Why can't we make rickshaws easy to ride?I read an article about solar-powered rickshaws, but haven't seen one on the roads!Why should all innovations happen in the innovated fields?
Sad!
Also, the other day I saw this foreigner shooing away an able-bodied beggar with loud "Lazy woman!Go away!Get some work!Lazy woman!". Nice thing she did. I'll save beggars for another day.
Till then, CIAO!

What is his problem in life?

2009-01-04T17:32:00.002+05:30

I just can't understand!
Stream to the video at 3:20, watch till 3:25(or if you wanna have some good laughs the whole video!)

As normal people(sound mind) one fails to understand why the "Man in question" is not interested in girls checking him out. Why on Earth is he in a night club then?Even if he has genuine reasons to be not interested in girls he can be "normally uninterested"!!And what is sadder is that the Hero in this movie is in 'pissed off'-mode from Scene 1 to Scene N,he just pisses you off!(in this movie)
And, I fail to understand his problem in life!Constipation?
And if there are some of those "Telugus" out there wanting to "over"-react in the "South Indian Cinema Madness" style!Please get a life!

***
And, I went home for a warm Christmas vacation, uploaded some(four) pics.

Conversations in the Capital.

2008-12-25T22:26:00.005+05:30

It being a Sunday, most co-passengers were tourists, the rustic Haryanvis and puerile Punjabis, all too excited to see with satisfied eyes the islands of beauty and go blind to all the filth that is Delhi's heart.They inadvertently leave pungent impressions on hapless "new-to-delhi-passengers", something that has almost percolated to their genes.
Coming back to the journey,you know Yuvraj Singh(YS)?Yes, the epitome of rustic suaveness-Rustic in manner and suave in style.The city of Delhi has many of them, aquiline noses and terrible tongues!
So, there was this Mr.X in the bus, shiny pink striped shirt,flashy belt, well over 6 feet, black jeans and the characteristic YS toothy smile.And he was with a group of such other flashy 20-something guys, all too relieved to vent their frustrations with life on public property,passers by and silent co-passengers.
So as the bus swishes past majestic crescent roads and British-raj promenades,X hums a song from the movie Yuvraaj, "Tu meri dosth hai"(You are my friend) and one of his friend goes.."Nice Song!Look who's waiting for you at the traffic signal!" and points to the pin-thin eunuch showering the traffic with exaggerated Indian affection!(pinch cheeks if exposed, attack the love handles next, curse, pinch really hard and attack another)
Mr.X is excited and is literally jumping off his seat to attract the attention of the eunuch,who shuffles past vehicles tempering her brazenness proportionate to the building traffic. Sadly for Mr.X the traffic starts to move with the Eunuch pocketing money out from an auto-rickshaw passenger,her last customer for this session. Mr.X is clapping(eunuch-style) in excitement and doesn't conceal any excitement in asking the passenger in auto-rickshaw about what the eunuch was asking him.
"Hmmm....she wants to sleep with you!" replied the auto guy, loud enough for the whole bus to burst into muffled laughs and for Mr.X to go mum!

I can't think of this conversation happening in the other cities that I have lived,
Never in Hyderabad because Hyderabadis are very conservative and most would be searching the dictionary to find out what they call "them" in English.
Never in Bangalore because Eunuchs don't beg at cross roads,the traffic is too big a risk for beggars!

I have to add, I don't look down upon eunuchs at all.This post is not meant to demean a marginalised section of an increasingly self-centred people. And with the kind of movies that the Telugus make, they make it very difficult to accept people as they are!

Tagged!

2008-12-01T17:18:00.004+05:30

I've been tagged by one of my favoritest of bloggers...so here I go...
Your oldest memories (not necessarily in chronological order):
1)I was crying non-stop in school and only stopped during the lunch break when my Mom brought me 'Perugu Annam with nimmakaya pacchadi'(Curd Rice and Lemon Pickle) and I remember having a crush on this girl who wore a 'pink bow' to school. I also remember having cried after some days 'coz mommy forgot to wake me up and I had to miss school.
2)It was my 1st day at my new school, I was 4...and was dressed in perfect white, I was prancing around the Guava Tree and slipped and fell into a monsoon-puddle :D
Mom was mighty upset, I had to go to school in "civil dress".

What were you doing 13 years ago? (somehow 2005-10=1995,my math!!!!I hav thus changed the kocchen!10 years ago I was in class 8!)
13 years ago I was 10,and I was in Class 5. I was probably preparing for my half-yearly examinations and mugging up things big time!!!
Also I was superbly disinterested in Cricket(which changed after world cup 1996) and I my class teacher Ms.Shanta had named me the most talkative student for the nth time!I was benchmates with Arun and Vasundhara!!!!!We made a calender for our bench and we also invented our own script(Ms.Tabita had banned invention of scripts after profuse un-decipherable literature was unearthed). Pooja Soni was evrybody's crush(girls also?).I used to fight for 1/4th mark and 1/8th mark!(yucks!).I was upset one other crush of mine wasn't in my section this year :))
I remember telling one of my cousins that 'cos class 5 was half way to class 10 I should pull up my socks and not compromise with 2nd/3rd rank.
We had a math teacher called Shobha who had "tight-slapped" me coz I was talking to Madhavi a lot!Also there leaked out a list that ranked the "best boys in class" from one girl called Priyadarshini...Rank 1 was Chandrashekhar,Rank 2 was Madhusudhan...I was not even there in the list!!!Some other lists were fished out by jobless teachers and I figured in them sometimes! :))
Ms.Mary Ann Cooke was our "Good Conduct" teacher and she gave us an array of "Black Stars" on our good conduct chart.5 A was the worst section....
At home...I was learning music, I had sung at the Ravindra Bharati and in stage fright forgot to beat time!I didnt miss the "talam" but I only got a consolatory certificate!My ammamma was hail and healthy she made me sing all the time!My mom was my best friend, I used to play tennis with Nanna on weekends and Annayya was in Class X,so I was asked not to disturb him!!!

Your first thought in the morning:
Today?I have to make it to the breakfast on time. The Wegners will leave by 7:20!What will I do with life?blah blah...(I had breakfast at 10 am, the Wegners left at 7:20 sharp).

If you build a time capsule what would it contain?
A TV with TATA SKY connection, DVDs of all my favorite movies. A family picture, a mobile phone with lifelong incoming, 'Suitable Boy'(coz I am in page 700 something), some nice pastries, some sleeping pills and ALICE IN WONDERLAND!

This year…
has made me one of the coolest of guys, what with the whimsical resignation and all!I pretty much messed up the 1st six months and took the decision after much support from Anna,Family and Vasu!The winter has just begun and I love what is in store for the nest one year :)

What do you see yourself doing 14 years from now?
14 yrs later, I will be 37. So I will be almost bald, my mom would have totally given up on getting me married to some random Appalamma.I would be in Kalimpong, having my evening tea with Marie biscuits,with the dog Mutt under my chair. I would be reading Shakespeare and paralelly writing my much awaited second novel!(stop laughing)
I will still hav the same cell phone and would listen to the song "O saathi Re"(Omkara) every night and wonder why Kareena Kapoor hadn't felt the way I felt about her...
ooooh...i forgot, I would have a lily pond in my garden and my house would have a boundary wall lined with harsingar trees..and in winter they would bloom and the scent would madden me further...
I will also own an aquarium and did I mention a Lotus Pond?hee hee..

I now tag Rohit,Anil,Ms.V(get a blog!),Kumar.
http://www.whocalledme.blogspot.com/

The YES WE CAN Moment

2008-11-24T17:58:00.003+05:30

First things first, Better late than never!

On the morning of November 5th, I was waiting for my bro's call, I was waiting to hear the news the world has been so dying to hear for the past year or so. I was waiting to see whom the most powerful voters on the planet will vote for.What will play on their minds-the skin-color of a candidates or the true-color of his heart?(here I must say language needs mending, why is a fair character good and a dark character bad?Is purity white?I fairness good?Bloody!So Obama's true-color is subjective.)

And then it was nearing 9 AM IST and my fone rings and my brother goes "Kaamudu kaale, masiboggaye!"(the demon has been burnt,only soot and ashes left), a Telugu jingle that accompanies the burning the 'scarecrow Hindu Demon Ravana' on the harvest festival of Dusshehra!(falls in Oct-Nov).And the whole world was rejoicing!!!And we were so excited, damn BUSH!damn the Iraq War!damn the Republicans!damn Sarah Palin!!!

Though one thing remains, why is a person born of mixed parentage(white and black) repeatedly referred to as Black?So is being WHITE about being a PURE BLOOD(if I can borrow from Harry Potter!), and the HALF-BLOODS are MUDBLOODS???

The media kept beaming "1st BLACK PRESIDENT" with such "matter-of-fact"-edness!Bloody!

And more hilariously, people in India think Mayawati(yes,the women who has inaugurated her life size statues all over UP) is the equivalent for a Black American?Except for the fact that she belongs to a backword community there is not an iota of similarity between them!Such dumb Indian media!Can she match Obama's character?Can she win an election without resorting to her "caste-engineering"(and people laud her for that!)....of all comparisions on planet, please not Mayawati and Obama!

So coming back to the story,my brother and myself lived that moment and I am sure there were tearful yes on both sides of the phone!So, I lived the "YES WE CAN" moment and I am reliving it now!Remember, YES WE CAN!

Ready for Myarragy

2008-11-09T17:34:00.004+05:30

I am ready for myarragee(marriage)....
NO,I dont have a girlfried.
NO,My parents haven't started the "lookings/matchings/wateva"
NO,I am not my greatest liability.
NO,I still hate being parasitic.
NO,I look down upon married people.

YES, I have a gas connection in my name!!!

Here goes the limerick...

Gult gult are you marriagable?

Yes and No, Chairs and Tables!

Gult Gult are you rich?

Yes and No, Macbeth and the witch!

Gult Gult are you uncle?

Yes and No ask the barnacle!

Gult gult can you get any kinder?

Yes and No I have a cylinder!

His Majesty Speaks..

2008-10-08T17:07:00.002+05:30

Have you ever been picked up by a driver who....ahem ahem ahem...drives a Mercedes Benz!!!!!!Atleast do you know anyone who has been ushered into a Mercedes Benz and entertained to beautiful Hindi music on a 40 min drive?Or...have you ever been in a JACUZZI....do you even know wat is means :P :P :P

I know.

YARI-Yet Another Religion of Ignorance

2008-09-18T17:45:00.005+05:30

The less we know about people and things the better.
I am sincerely trying not to know myself, the process of knowing oneself is so scary.
Because once you start to know yourself your thoughts always begin with "Do I really want to do this?", "Did I really choose this?" and that is scary...because so far I haven't started on any item on my "must-do-before-I-die"-list.
And I am 22...that is like 30% of my life(some say 50%),and I have a huge list of things I want to do before I die...I don't even know how one gets on a Hot Air Balloon!!!And some people I wanted to meet b4 I die are already dead!
And about the things I wanna do b4 I die...
1)Get on a Hot-air balloon
2)Stay in a Japanese Spa
3)Visit Sri Lanka and Turkey
4)Eat chocolate for one whole week(will that be my last week?)
5)Own a Bengali Sweets Shop.I dont think I will have anything to sell, coz I will eat all the good stuff and sell leftovers, know anyone who buys leftovers?
6)I want to learn Malayalam and French.Only Female teachers accepted.
7) I want to be published in atleast 5 languages, a very controversial book that will earn me publishers for the rest of my life. Controversial books are very easy to write...
Here goes a quick recipe for a controversial book:
1.Base the book on an established social norm-say eating through your mouth
2. The hero/heroine/it of your book should have a shady side-in whatever sense...in our case the protagonist is researching on feeding his children through the nose
3. Write the most confusing climax that would help you draw parallels to remotely forgotten historical concepts, make sure no one understands it clearly- in our case let us have the villain force-feed his wife through her eyes or something..and draw parallels to blind people, global hunger etc..

And do I also have a marketing strategy?Guess what?I do!
It just needs 2 authors, characters in one author's story love the other's book and vice versa...Jhumpa Lahiri's 'Namesake' made me buy Nikolai Gogol's "The Overcoat and other short stories".But did poor Jhumpa Gogol know Gogol had died long back?That rules out scope for any reciprocal publicity for her books(in his writings)! Next time Jhumpa, choose "living" authors!(Read me)

And the list goes on...
As I am getting nowhere near..the best thing is to join the religion of ignorance. The Religion of Ignorance has no rules...even if there are any, we are bound to ignore them as a tenet of the religion itself.
The sad part is no one has any idea if we are to celebrate any festivals or worship any God/Gods.No one even cares to ask.The greatest part is you celebrate whenever you feel like it!

And about Gods, He is called Ignoramus, the women liken him to Ranbir Kapoor, the men give her a Sreedevi Face, the unimaginative old think he is formless!How naive?
And how powerful is our God?"All powerful", isn't that a contradiction?If He is all powerful, can he create someone more powerful than Him?
If Yes,will that not make him the 2nd most powerful person in the world?
If No,So he is not all powerful?
If you have no answer, the Religion of Ignorance accepts you.Wanna know the baptizing ceremony?Don't ask.Ignore!

And the best part is the funeral rites,they are the grandest!Because people think the dead are the true embodiment of Ignorance,something close to Budha's nirvana..when you die, males are dressed in a Brad Pitt mask, females in a Beyonce-Mask and they are sent off in a yatch.The point being,the dead never wake up despite all the fanfare, the greatest state of ignorance, isnt it?
Like all religions we dont have any sacred places, but we have the liberty to litter plastic in pristine Nallamala hills(read Tirupati),trample people in distant deserts(read Mecca),listen to outdated 1st century ideas(read Vatican) or just close your eyes and sit naked(hee hee).

Huh!The short and long of it is...Ignorance is bliss.

The power of "Anyways"

2008-09-11T17:01:00.003+05:30

Tears welled up in A's eyes as they were discussing something serious. A was touching new lows and losing motivation. B was not sure if A has the power to rise from the misery of longing(for the four lettered word ofcors!), of not finding any solace in the past or hope in the future.No amount of comforting could help 'A'. Their conversation was cut by the sudden outburst of emotions.
Later they spoke over the phone and found comfort in the power of anyways .

The hypothetical "power of anyways" conversation between A and B:
A: You know..I wake up everyday feeling like I will see a black hole in the place of the sun, I feel I can never flush out the misery...
B: (empathizing) Ok.
A: And then when I am on my way to work each road reminds me of my time with X...
B: I know how it feels.
A: Its not like X doesn't like me anymore...or vice versa..
B: yea, I know. I spoke to X about this.
A: (as if the Sun had come up in place of the black hole) What did X say? Does he miss me?
B:I guess, but X is trying to move on...
A: Yes, that is what I should do too..(repeats 2 or 3 times, and keeps talking)
B: Anways, saw any movies?
A:Yeah, Dark Knight...nice one...so wassup with you. Still single?
B: There are some things...but anyways..how about a pizza?

***

(On a comic note) another "power of anyways" conversation between Husband(H) and Wife(W):
H: Honey, the doctor says my cancer is in the final stage...
W: (sobs) But...you were...
H: (shaky voice) And I don't want to spend my final days with you, I wanna visit my ex-girlfriend who now lives in Hyderabad, she sells boats in the rainy season and is doing pretty good financially...
W: I know, I spied on your mails.
H: How cheap!ANYWAYS...wats cooking for dinner?
W:Some carcinogen! Oops...sorry I thought you had guessed...our house is an oncologists nightmare...I sort of programmed your disease...(biting her nails)
H:(loud gasp)
W: ANYWAYS, (I-am-dying-to-read-your-will-expression) Do I get the car and...(murmurs) can we still keep the same gardener?
H: (mouth wide open, slowly comes to his senses) ANYWAYS, looks like I should really meet an oncologist now...I made up my "cancer story"
W: (shocked for a milli second, leaves an artificial gasp) ANYWAYS, pass the remote...and don't believe my "carcinogen" story either...all made up...
H: (passes the remote)yeah!

Have you realized the power of anyways?

Reader IQ

2008-08-09T18:11:00.003+05:30

I am upset. Sort of unhappy with the IQ levels of the readers of my blog!(or people just flush their brains out as they enter this place).Or may be the question was disguised like a fact :P

Whoever wrote that King Dasaratha gave his wives some fruit all bullshit!!!....it was actually some kind of a pregnancy potion that Agni gifted(IVF material argues Dr.V!).
Apparently Dr.V also believes Mr.Surya Bhagawan was Kunti's sperm donor :))
And that Mrs.Gandhari's pregnancy was a strange case of the uterian wall being induced to produce many eggs(there is a medical term for that)..anyways..
The point is...it was Sumitra who got two doses of that pregnancy potion and not Kaikeyi.So my doubts about Dasaratha hating Kaikeyi are baseless.

Random Thoughts:
1)Some Hyderabadi News:Its been pouring crocodiles and dinosaurs in Hyderabad.And our sewage pool(read Hussainsagar) has been receiving copious inflows."Danger Level"
2)Abt a fortnight ago I was reading "The Diary of a Mad Man"-Nikolai Gogol(at home),"The Discovery of India"(on my way to work),"Three Mistakes of My Life"(in boring meetings),"HP-The Deathly Hallows"(2nd time-first 15 mins at office),"Secret Annexe-The Diary of a Young Girl-Anne Frank"(at my Mamayya-Atta's place)-all simultaneously!
3)The Beijing Olympics kick started yesterday. Great opening ceremony!And for us Indians is a time of collective shame-none of us are sure if we can get a medal(Phelps as a person is more capable than us as a Nation).Also there is the greater shame of Pakistan getting a medal and our 55 member contingent comes back bare-necked!

So what time of the year is it?
'Deja vu' Time!-that "Sports in India" debate, the "lack of funding argument" of the potbellied coaches v/s "I vomitted blood and ran" argument from the likes of Milkha Singh!!!Only a handful news wallahs have fun, with their pointless debates and brain-dead accents!

And what is the favorite past time of most English Bloggers?
China-bashing, sample some biased reportage Mr.James Reynolds.
Written all over his blog is "I can't digest the Chinese are doing this!!!By the Queen's wrinkled face and sweet tooth and I have formed an opinion on China!!!"
Mr.Reynolds,for China's Tianamen Square the British have the Jallianwallah Bagh,something the Queen chose not to apologize for years.
From what I have read about China they seem to be a fine nation,very ambitious and strong.Most of West's reportage on China is more out of jealousy than genuine concern for human rights/democracy. How else can you explain the fact that they are friends of Saudi Arabia(where women can't drive!!!) and Pakistan?
Fortunately, most Indians are looking at China is inspiration material, in any debate there is a "In China,they did this"-argument.And it seems, its become easier to push things in the power circles of Delhi by using the China argument!

About my weekly classes:
Saturdays are the new Fridays!I wait for them all week!And the kind of questions my students ask!OMG!
Little Roja asked me about 2 Saturdays ago, "If devils are superstition, isn't God a superstition too?"Not a question you expect from a 12 yr old,would you?
And last Saturday I was reading out a story from their English Reader,"There lived a mother bird and her babies in a tall shady tree....There was a storm and a heavy branch fell on the mother bird and killed it. Fortunately the babies were saved...".And then I tell them what "fortunately" means...but Roja was not pleased!She asked me how the death of the mother bird can be fortunate at all?
Why should 6th class students read about death and accidents in their first English lesson?DUMB!

And for the nth time,why Gold is costlier than you think?

A Normal Question

2008-07-19T22:39:00.003+05:30

Would you go out of your way and help someone who feels like they don't need your help?And I am very very sure the-someone feels that way,even if I had helped him/her out a thousand times on my own?
I had an argument with my Bro about this, he felt I had to go completely out of my way and help the person-in-need even if he hadn't approached me,It is not that I want 'the someone' to come and fall at my feet, a cool request would do, why is it so difficult?Why is it that someone-else has to tell me that the-someone needs help?

And Bro, says "No use micro-analyzing, one should always try to help a person in need even if he is a snotty git(exaggerated)".
And I disagreed...but now I am reminded of what Mother Teresa said:
"People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway.
What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.
Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.
In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."

Too much of an exaggerated and heavy conclusion for the petty case in question and the petty argument I made, thanks Bro for bringing some sense in me. You win.
And I have a reason to discuss one of the greatest Saints ever.Not all my posts are as dumb as me.Isn't that one really beautiful way to look at life?

Questions I should have asked when I was a 3 yr old.

2008-07-17T16:03:00.003+05:30

Disclaimer:
This post has the potential to hurt the very religious. It is very light hearted blabber, if you don't understand words like "light" and "blabber" please do not read this.If you choose to, do not cry hoarse,and if you still choose to,sorry for your handkerchiefs!

1)We all know the story of how Kousalya,Sumitra and Kaikeyi got pregnant.An apple was cut into 4 quarters, while they had one piece each, King Dasaratha gave away the 4th piece to Kaikeyi as she was his favorite..blah blah..I think it was because he hated her(he wanted her double pregnant and in double pain!)...Anyways,
The question is:
What would have happened to King Dasaratha if he had coolly popped the 4th piece into his mouth?

2) I was "mind-reading" Anil and he was like..."GOD!!!How are u doing this?"...and I told him that I had more than two eyes and he asked me about my third eye. He decided I had just three!!!Isn't it common for us Hindus to fix the maximum number of eyes anyone can have as three?
Why is it that we can't imagine more than 3 eyes!!!Why???

3) And,as all of us know that Lord Vishnu sleeps on the 100 headed serpent which swims(?) in the in the Sea of Milk(Ksheera Saagaram/Paala Kadali).
Have you ever wondered which animal's milk goes into the 'Sea of Milk'?
Cow?Buffallo?Goat?Pig?Snake(cant be)?

4)We have all seen Hindu Gods as children and young muscular Gods/beautiful doe-eyed women. But why didn't anyone imagine an old Krishna, or an ageing Sita, a middle aged Rama?Don't tell me gods dont age in their avatars either!They had childhoods and adulthood!!!Duh!
So, Can you imagine a balding God?Gods dont bald?Balding is wrong?

Any answers?I have some answers, but first you.

Know Your English

2008-07-17T12:28:00.004+05:30

Sometimes you begin to wonder if speaking normal English is a professional qualification in itself. There is this character in my friend's team. Read this chat.

UN: done review
My Friend: okay
UN: okk, one more thing,here after onwards,if u done completed central implementation in lei,after my review u have run that and check in online whether we are getting central data or not,and also in brio also
My Friend: okay,cool
UN: ok
***
Want some more?
This was after 'My Friend' had taken a 2 hour permission from office to assist another friend, who had met with an accident, to a hospital..
***
My Friend: Hello UN,GA
UN: h is ur friend
My Friend:he fine now
UN:major?
My Friend: ya he is fine in emergency but doin good
UN: wat happened
My Friend:accident some body hit him while crossing the road
UN:oh bad,then he escaped the person who hit?

and because UN understands his English well... he translates
guddhi nodu paripoyada lekha tanu kooda vachada(did the guy who hit ur friend "escape"?)

My Friend: ledu we caught him n he is in police station now
UN: good thing u did,wat he is telling
My Friend: nothin no reason he was jumping the signal and was unable to control the bike n hit my frnd
***
Made me feel super human.
Thanks UN.

VAMOS RAFA!!!

2008-07-08T14:45:00.004+05:30

Nadal won!!!

And was I surprised?NO!(there was a prediction)
It was clear he could bulldoze anybody-anybody includes Anybody.
Due credit to Federer for his 5 consecutive Wimbeldons. Many were waiting to crown him the "greatest ever" if he had won Wimbledon for the 6th time.With Nadal round the corner that wont be easy, but with someone like Fed you never know!I am not writing him off for at least 2 yrs.

@Other greats
I haven't seen much of Borg/Rod Laver...
I remember Sampras in the initial rounds of Wimbledon(to Krajicek?1996?),his best appearance at French was a semifinal appearance,which Kafelnikov won and I was overjoyed!
I don't know why, but I have never liked Sampras, unfortunately Agassi found Brooke Shields more attractive than tennis...who knows with Agassi around,Sampras might just have been a Jim Courier.(blasphemy?) :P
About Federer, I am thoroughly bored by the monotony, its like time stands still every time Wimbledon happens. Compare pics of Federer with the trophy from 2003,04,05,06,07 one by one and you would realize what I say, monotonous and boring!He didn't even change his girlfriend!How boring!
And the way he reacted to his semifinal defeat at the Australian open that-he would be "least interested in who wins the final, and that he wouldn't watch it!"
Now the question is,why should we watch him win a trophy?Not many of us can even grip a tennis bat!Arrogance!So Fed can't love the game that makes him lovable unless he is beating somebody six-love in straight sets?
After Federer retires he might as well stop watching tennis!
And the darling of a guy that Nadal is!He deserved it, for all the wishes that I have been uploading on this blog and voodoo sludging that I do in Fed's ears.
Thanks you gave us one of the most exciting sporting moments of all time. Happy Knees Nadal!
And Federer, I am rooting for you in the US Open.

@Venus Williams
I am a fan.
If you just muffled a laugh, pity yourself!
I remember those days when dumb commentators would whine all the time about how Women's tennis has become a family affair and how its not good for the sport...and blah blah...such racist pigs!!!
Immensely talented Williamses are taken lightly and former greats like Martina Navratilova,Steffi Graf and Billie Jean King are heaped in praise for their game.Did they not dominate the game for tens of years?It was the same drama for years?
So where is the difference?
Grace?Style?Whoever is giving points for grace and style?And why isn't Venus stylish for you?Isn't their power a style statement? What is style anyways?Style is personal and dynamic not static and universal!If you want the static style and grace that you are used to, sorry madams and monsieurs please go to the Opera, I am pretty sure it is "white" and stylish enough!!!
How else can you explain the fact that they are acknowledge subconsciously only as undeserving champions while Ivanovic and Sharapova have commentators right on their back, gasping at every boring double fault they make!
Commentating is such a bad art in itself, the Nadal-Federer final was horrible on that account, Federer wins a point and the commentator shout like mad, Nadal gets only flaky compliments for whatever he does!
They make it look like the most graceless job on earth.Whenever your favorite player loser loses a match remember there are bigger losers. Commentators!

The Holiday

2008-06-27T15:10:00.004+05:30

This is how the movie starts...Kate Winslet's dialogue...(No spoilers..very predictable plot though..)

I have found almost everything ever written about love to be true; Shakespeare said, "Journeys end in lovers meeting." What an extraordinary thought. Personally, I have not experienced anything remotely close to that, but I'm more than willing to believe Shakespeare had.

I suppose I think about love more than anyone really should, I'm constantly amazed by its sheer power to alter and define our lives.
It was Shakespeare who also said, "Love is blind." Now, that is something I know to be true.

For some, quite inexplicably... love fades; for others... love is simply lost. But then, of course, love can also be found, even if just for the night.
And then there's another kind of love, the cruelest kind, the one that almost kills its victims: It's called unrequited love. Of that, I am an expert.

Most love stories are about people who fall in love with each other; but what about the rest of us? What about our stories? Those of us who fall in love alone.
We are the victims of the one-sided affair; we are the cursed of the loved ones; we are the unloved ones; the walking wounded; the handicapped without the advantage of a great parking space.

Yes, you are looking at one such individual, and I have willingly loved them for over six miserable years; the absolute worst years of my life; the worst Christmases, the worst birthdays; New Year's Eves brought in by tears and Valium. These years I've been in love have been the darkest days of my life... all because I'm cursed by being in love with ones who have not... and will not love me back

Now..Do I have to recommend the movie?

Acknowledgements: Satish, Vasundhara, Anil.

Project 511

2008-06-27T10:36:00.004+05:30

Last Saturday, I did what I have been wanting to do since a very long time. I enrolled as a volunteer with Project 511.(CLICK!!!)
For the time starved, this project aims at giving students from Government school a sort of priming course in Spoken English.The Project Coordinator had come to IBM and explained that this course was aiming at a very modest end. They were hoping that with whatever priming this course would give them, these students can atleast take up jobs in the supermarkets/the many showrooms etc.
Indeed,Very modest aims.

I chose a school at Neredment for my weekly Spoken English classes. The volunteer, Mrs.Padma Sri told me that it was comparitively a very good school.

The shool had a small ground,toilets(many govt schools dont have classrooms,they operate in the tree shades,there is one in Kothapet, a stone's throw away from Hitech City,Hyderabad's Software Hub)...One of the senior teacher told us that the school recorded a pass percentage of 42% last year. One of its students(female) had made it into IIIT,Hyderabad.

It was time and I was asked to take up my teaching assignment with a bunch of 60 sixth graders. The project co-ordinator, Mrs Padma Sri started introduced me to the class.
She asked them if they knew what an NGO(Swacchanda Samstha) meant?
Pop, came a reply from this brown haired charming little boy, Dhanraj, standing up and folding his hands in practiced swift movement,"meeru sewa chestaaru"(you do social service).A round of spontaneous applause from the classroom!!!

I was asked to make the 1st session as informal as possible, so I asked each of them to Introduce themselves.
I asked them if they knew what an "Introduction" means.
Pop!"parichayam",said brown-eyed Vennela.So they started introducing themselves, about what they liked, what they wanted to become and if they had any sisters/brothers...
I didn't ask them about their parents, I was not ready for shocking replies like "My dad drinks all day and my mother works as a domestic help"->something most students would have said.

Anyways...when little Vennela introduced herself I asked her if she knew what her name is called in English. The whole classed made hushed guesses,
"Moon" shouted many...
"Moon ninchi vacche veluturu"(The light that comes from the moon) said Vennela.
"Yes!Moonlight",I told them!Such a nice name!

And then I asked them what they wanted to become when they were big and this part amused me the most!
A majority wanted to become Doctors and "Drawing Masters"(Drawing teachers).
Just two of them wanted to be "Software Engineers"(one of them wanted to be a doctor also)
One girl said she wanted to be a Pilot.
Another girl said she wanted to be a Lawyer.

The most funniest answer came from a back-bencher(there were no benches though!),..."Y.S.Rajasekhar Reddy" he beamed, followed by widespread laughter and a round of applause.
Apparently,under YSR(The CM of AP), the government schools had done pretty well.

The 1 hour experience was overwhelming,but why does Project 511 have "Modest Aims"?We should have dozens of Project 511s, the beaming faces of those 11 year olds ask us so many questions.Their eagerness to learn English was exemplary.

Why are our government schools languishing?Why are decently paid staff completely failing the system?If a Government cannot run schools what can it govern?
In a Democracy,we can effectively voice our opinions, next time we interact with a local councillor/MP we should ask him/her what he/she plans to do for the Govt. schools?

Back to my teaching, I am little confused about how best to help them out with their English, any online community that you know? Any great book that I should follow? Any "play and learn" exercise that you suggest?Please let me know.
The teaching material that Project 511 has starts with a story about Andy the Alligator,Aster the cat etc in the first lesson...Andy???Aster???bad names!Alligators don't even exist in India!
I am planning to write a small story myself...lets see...something the students can instantly connect with!

Also,all those of you who are free on weekends, think if you can spare an hour a week for these bright children,there are dozens of schools that need support, not support...just a nudge.
At no point I feel pity for them, I have great hopes from all of them.
Where there is a will, there is a way :)
You can always leave your email , I will direct you.

PS: I am translating keeping in mind the 3 dots from China(clustrmaps). Nice to see you.

The Friday that I will never forget..

2008-06-23T14:13:00.004+05:30

After an excrutiating 3 hours of waiting at the clinic,with "Discovery of India" for company,and after 1 hour of travel to Sec'bad,I was finally on the last leg of my journey, jerkily meandering through dimly lit streets of Hyderabad.It was nearing 10pm.

An old man,in early seventies, and "bharateeyudu" hair style,suddenly started to writhe in pain, holding his right shoulder all the while.Some concerned passengers tried comforting him, I was standing nearby...It was a pain to even see him.
Slowly he told us that he underwent a bypass last month, and all those "Reader's Digest-Symptoms of a Heart attack" flash in my mind.
I was almost sure it was an attack,'coz attacks start/accompany a pain in one hand(usually left)...and the old man was out of breath.The bus conductor and driver were least concerned,giving nonchalant nods when I tell them to stop at "ANY" clinic on the way...but no Clinic is open at 10 pm. And the old man is adamant about not going to a clinic.

The man, luckily, was carrying some medicine, I saw he carried an aspirin formulation with him, quickly we gave him disprin and water. All the while I was patting him on his back and assuring him of safety. We all tried to convince him that he should give his son/daughter's number, which he outrightly dismissed.
Post-Aspirin he said he felt a little better, but he went very cold sometimes and I woke him up just to check if he hadn't passed out. I was completely psyched out and so were many people around.What was most pissing was how the bus driver and conductor gave cold expressions and how dozens of passing comments were made, carefully avoiding any resposibility!
All "You should" take him to a hospital...and rarely a "We shall/Let us"!!

We finally got him into an auto,some very obliging co-passengers shipped him home.
Again,It was not easy to convince that old man to get into an auto!
First,I had to convince the auto driver that this man is "in need" and then the old man refuses to get into the auto.I almost shouted at him that it was not fair to trouble this many of us and that he should just shut up and listen!
Obstinate Old people!

All throughout the 1 hour journey, it was mostly women who came forward and helped out, one lady even volunteered to drop this man at his place.
All the while, when we were planning to stop by a hospital I had these scenes from indian movies flashing...
"Fill out this form,we would admit the patient later"...
"Is this a police case..(yawn yawn)"
Is it like that really?Hope not.

I went home and told mom and dad about this, they could read the "pyched-out"-edness from my face...and were glad for I had done what anybody should normally do and also because I did not choose to become a doctor.I wished otherwise though.
I still cannot forget death's shadow on that old man's cringing face.
Next time any of us face such situations,never make those useless comments...We should be positive and act.
If you have obstinate old people at home, sensitize them!Sometimes,We Indians take age too seriously.
And yeah, kudos to all those women who came out to help.

HEMAN,THe master of the universe!!!

2008-06-17T17:48:00.006+05:30

Last weekend was a fun experience!
Friday night,IBM had a team event which was a dud though!What was I expecting anyways!!!Damn the country people!
That night,I stayed at Thikka's place and we did some crazy recordings...poor microphone!
And one crazy lady scared us with her devilish antics on gtalk at 1 a.m...btw is she reading?
I have a suggestion for her...Try your hand at dubbing voices for cartoons/movies.Seriously :)

On Saturday,I represented IBM at this ACE Corporate Quiz that was to be held at ISB on Saturday. Individuals were selected through a qualifying examination and teams of two were formed after people were shortlisted..
Sadly my original teammate had another event to attend on Saturday...the organizers were looking for a replacement and they found some guy whom I shall be discussing all through this entry...and man was he a replacement!

Mr.Heman (name very close to his original name) pops up with a lady half his height. Girl Friend?May be...But he looked "too gult" to have a GF.
Anyways..H gave those "goofy","nerdy" looks and I was impressed. Not having quizzed in a really really long time..I had no expectations of getting into the final 6,which we didn't,I was hoping we could put up a decent fight atleast..like make believable "I~knew~the~answer~but~the~chinese~hacked~my~brain" expressions..and man there was this team that was really good at it....we were most convinced they would make to the final 6 but they didn't...bummer!

***

Revelation 1:
Conversation between organizer and Mr.H.

Organiser: Who is your team mate?

Mr.H:(pointing towards me) This one!

Me: (wagging my tail)Yes ofcors Master! How kind of you to acknowledge my pet-existence!

Mr.H didn't seem to like the idea of a Human as a team mate.Or was he thinking we were in a Dog Parade?
Oh,where is your Bulldog?
This one!!!!

Or may be he was imagining himself entering our office...
"ID card please"
"this one!"
!!!

Revelation 2:
Again,Conversation between one of the organisers and Mr.H.
Mr.H always walks with Mrs.H(?), they make a great couple(if you average out their heights)..and they always walk hand-in-hand,whispering all the time..those secrets of his conversational prowess,how I wish I knew them!!!

*while we were being ushered into the auditorium*
Mr.H:(to organiser) I have a doubt.

Organiser: ?

Mr.H: Can the visitors sit with the participants?

Me: (*thinking*lump in my throat)
Oh yes...ofcors you n your wife(the visitor) can actually make out whenever you are turned on(while we would cheer), its such an obvious thing, haven't we all written quizzes with visitors in our arms?
!!!
Didn't we all watch the Bournvita Quiz Contest (for starters)...the visitors sat with the participants and initially no one had any clue who he participants were...we wud know only at the end of the show when the participants stand up and reveal their underwears for identification!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!MORON!!!!!

Organiser:(this~guy~must~be~from~IBM expression) No, the visitors should sit separately.

Mr.H(that~Mr.Bean~disbelief!): Aww!

Mrs.H:(Whispers a farewell speech)

Revelation 3,4,5...:
As the quiz progressed and while I was scribbling answers,....Mr.H would shout out the answer the moment I scribbled it...."YES!Katrina Kaif!!!,you are right"...then again..."Yes!!!Dasavatharam"(this was his answer)...."Yes..Scrabble!"...!!!!WTF???

I told him plainly that he was shouting loudly and should shut up!Call me rude!

***

Mr.H works in the same floor as mine.Also,I am hoping he/his wife read this blog.But I don't think they know what a blog means.Or may be he does..but I dont give a damn Mr.Heman!
Also, small question, Have you guessed the name of THe Heman?Read the heading carefully.(very obvious..only Heman would need hints :P)

***
On Sunday, I met Mr.Venugopal Rao Pemmaraju , my mother's babai,my second-grandfather(?)...and we had a very interesting discussion on Tibet,China and India and Physics and plants....
That man is a genius!A Professor of Physics from Emory University,Atlanta...they shifted to US way back in the early 60s...and he has also been published in Telugu.
He was on a visit to Dharamshala to teach the Tibetan Monks Cosmology as part of an agreement their University had with The Dalai Lama(who in turn is a visiting professor in their university)...It was great discussion we had...
What struck me hard was he was talking about coniferous trees and he mentioned the Telugu name for them...none of us understood the word until he translated it to English...shame on us!!!
Anyways my brother is shifting to Atlanta soon and I am sure he has delightful company. Forgot to add Mr.Rao's wife,my grandmother's younger sister, Mrs.Swarajya Lakshmi(named after Independence,and also maintains a cookery blog that I will "hyperlink" soon) sang a very beautiful song and my mom and pedammas are still going ga-ga over it!
50 years hence I am not sure if there would be people like them around.
Delightful People!Sometimes you know why people marry...
***
Great Weekend Indeed!

Fart from the Future-III

2008-06-12T12:11:00.003+05:30

Prelude:
Fart from the Future-I
Fart from the Future-II
Professor Onlyrude was on a sabbatical. He had given the LMG(Late Male Groom) and LFB(Late Female Bride) some work in the meantime. He had asked them to read up on subjects of liberty, freedom and equality. He said he would take them on a tour to Planet Earth again.

LMG and LFB were not very excited about reading on these topics, LMG though found the topic on Liberty very boring and but the sub topic on sexual liberties was interesting.He hadn't even tried reading on equality or freedom as he wasn't sure if there was anything "sexual" about it.
LFB had pored over books on Equality, she often wondered why it took nearly 3000 years of civilization to realise that women had rights.Though there were isolated cases of scholars and queens.She has misgivings if it was more fiction than fact.
Seeds of Feminism had been sowed, but she was guilty of it herself.She would often have flashes of her short marriage, why did she wear her lipstick?Was it because she liked it or because she wanted to be liked by the men?
PO on the other hand was not keeping well, mortal as he was, he wanted to finish off all these issues in a single session. He was thinking about that one place where he would take his perplexed pupils...

Earth-2035

PO,LMG and LFB descend from their spaceship.
It felt very hot and everything looked barren, like the devils had partied and left.
Only cockroaches and rats had survived the holocaust, with so many roached and rats,it looked as if they had stepped into the Devil's Bathroom.

As they waded threw streets full of garbage and sewerage they could see walls full of graffiti, LMG and LFB had their eyes tranfixed on the artist's vulgarity. Before they could ask questions..

PO:"What you see here is the lack of liberty, I forgot to tell you we are currently in a remote part of North India. Mostly Men would scribble this meaningless shit..."

LFB: "Glad you call it shit, I was wondering if art had reached this level of morbidity before human extinction.."

PO:(smiles) "And this was because they were very frustrated as adolescents. Sexually frustrated."

LMG and LFB(silent).

The "Indian Gene" to blame. "We do not discuss the three letter word", was the subconscious message.

PO: "Fast! I will show you a video of a busy Indian Street, one of the only few places on the world where people enjoyed unfettered liberty,fraternity and equality."

They watch the video in dismay, they see a road with mounds of rubble on either side, trees that had grown on the rubble, someone had nailed an advertising board to the tree. "For Pest Control:Call 9934534567".
A dingy shop existed on the edge of the rubble, entertaining a motley crowd in the haze of cigarette smoke.They could see a huge air-conditioned bus with neatly dressed people working on laptops inside. The bus was making a loud noise, sending out black diesel fumes that rained on the puny rickshaw puller behind it.There seemed to be a lot of noise, no one seemed to move, only the two wheelers and pedestrians were making some progress, taking serpentine paths between vehicles in all possible shapes and sizes,occasionally riding over the rubble.
Dozens of people were shouting at each other in the choicest of swear words(something LFB and LMG hadn't forgotten).
They could hear "Baap ka road samajh rakha hai kya?" every 2 minutes, a scuffle would break out and then uneasy peace.Amidst all the chaos they could see "My Dad's Road", "King of the Road","Rules are meant to be broken" written on the vehicles' polished backsides.

PO switched off the video and began "What did you see?"

LMG:"Some sort of a punishment?"

PO: "No, It is the truest expression of freedom ever. On Indian roads everybody is right, everybody has a reason, nobody makes way for nobody, nobody thinks of rules.
It is the highest expression of freedom when you could drive on the wrongside of the road, hit a bypasser and still shout at him.
There were traffic police for sometime, but around 2010 the job was listed under grave Human Rights offence. Imagine facing such traffic every other day?Thus the Traffic Police were disbanded. And things went beyond control.."

LFB: "I don't agree, doesn't freedom comes with resposibility?"

PO:"Absolutely, but responsibility comes with sanity,something Indians seemed to lose as they progressed.All sensible people moved out of India to places where they would comfortably pick up their pet dogs shit and put it in the bin,but would secretly miss peeing alongside the busiest of Indian Roads."

LMG:"Why would anybody pee on roads?"

PO:"Not anybody,only men.Forgot to add, the road is nobody's place, it had no purpose, it wasn't meant to last. So whenever a man felt his bladder full, he would empty it along the road without the slightest hint of shame.I must say, one has to view this objectively. Don't attach any emotions."

LFB:"What about women who had to use the loo?"

PO:"No one cared, not many Woman felt that they too had a constitution that needed removing wastes.Under the burqas and stigmas of tradition they were unknowingly and secretly glad they were allowed air to breathe."

LFB:"Unfortunate.So people never realised what roads were meant for?"

PO:"No, but subconsciously it represented a freedom that had no shackles, a truly vulgar freedom."

LFB: "Professor,can we talk about equality for sometime?"

PO:"I guess we have,again, the roads are the truest militant expression of equality. Equality had gone to great levels. No one gave way for ambulances,'What if one is dying?After all we are made of the same flesh and blood". The ambulance services were as a result suspended after the famous Ambulance Riot of 2011."

LMG:"What happened?"

PO:"The Ambulance Riot?It happened on the Paradise flyover in Hyderabad, an ambulance was inching ahead to its destination when it took a U turn and rammed into a place of worship right on the road divider, some offended people were terribly upset and chased it from the wrong side of the road. Burnt the ambulance and killed the passengers.God is untouchable,especially so if he's on the road."

LFB: "I also read about women empowerment, how seats were reserved for them on State run Buses..."

PO:"all the buses were burnt as well when one newspaper had published a little cheeky cartoon about an old politician who runs a party with a Tiger for its symbol. They had changed the symbol to a Cat as tigers had become extinct in 2012."

LMG: "And did no one raise their voices against the misery?"

PO:"Oh! Who cared?In a profit driven world, everything was termed as investments and returns. Governments noticed that there was no profit from repairing roads/protecting wildlife/giving subsidies. Governments profited from gifting woman gold(as electoral promises), and in cities they had cut down taxes on woman buying gold, men were allowed to ride tax-free Hummers(imported from the US Army)...People were categorized based on their RoI(Return on Investment).
During around 2013 or so millions of farmers had committed mass suicide in Vidharbha,and some Indians dont know if thats a part of India as Governments felt they didn't need to give any subsidy on farm products."

LFB:"I read on that. They say Vidharbha sustained life only till 2014."

PO:"Oh!Enough of decadent Proletariat struggles,as Government also said "Like Mice population needs control during a plague,the population of poor can be reduced by cutting off subsidy,and lets face it some mice die in the process"(the word mice was used interchangingly for the poor)....did you look at all those glittering malls and excellent concrete structures?"

LFB and LMG:"Yes, but they looked outlandish."

PO:"Depressing students!Looks like you've had too much for today?"

LFB and LMG:(in unison,sick~of~this~misery~called~humanity mood)"Yes, lets go back."

Vamos Rafa!!!

2008-06-09T10:07:00.005+05:30

Yes!!!
It was one of those rare spectacles, Federer lost to Nadal like a blindfolded Conchita Martinez(one of the most undeserved players in tennis history to win Wimbledon).In one of the shortest French Open finals ever(shortest since 1980) the world No.1 lost the final set 6-0!!!I could barely sit and watch the match, I was cheering all the time, I was jumping at every break point Rafa earned, every corner he invented, every winner he conjured also...every unforced error Federer gifted!

Thank you Rafa!!!Gracias Rafa!!!

To all FedEx fans,
unfortunate that two all-time greats on grass and clay are contemporaries.Its like Shane Warne being left out to accomodate Muralitharan, or Gavaskar being dropped for Sachin!Anyways, hard luck!

Also 'middle finger' to those dumb spectators in Roland Garros,I hardly heard them cheer for Nadal,I cheered for Nadal more enthusiastically than those zombies, LOSERS!

Also, I am hoping Nadal would take Wimbledon and the number one ranking too.Amen!

Vamos Rafa!!!(Go Rafa!)You should never lose a set again!!!

@Zombie Comments
1. Comments like "Federer is unique" etc will be ignored. :P
2. Comments having "next time" will be heartily laughed at!
1 and 2 please leave your phone numbers so that I can call you exactly this time next year to offer similar condolences.

PS:When Rafa won,I could barely conceal my excitement, I had to immediately call up ardent Federer fans and offer my condolences at Federer's decimation.
Also my Dad's terribly upset at my celebrations and the words I chose to address Federer's defeat, sad days indeed for Federer fans. Heartfelt condolences.

When the Frogs Micturate!

2008-05-30T10:08:00.003+05:30

Its summer time and some frogs are mad with the heat, out of their hibernation and waiting for rain.And when it does rain they croak,celebrate and consummate "yearly rituals". :D

Last weekend, Mom and me were walking on the road when a frog crossed us and peed! LOLZ!
Amma didn't notice but I was laughing away!!!

now...
FLASHBACK..

One of my favoritest of cousins introduced me to this game!
He is a Masters in Zoology so he knew a lot about frogs and lizards!One time when he cut open a gecko,as part of homework,a fly flew out of its stomach!We used to tell this to the all our cousins...
"You know I witnessed the Fly that flew from the gecko's stomach" as if it was "You know I witnessed Aishwarya's marriage!"...

Back to Frogs..
Did you ever try scaring a frog(harmlessly!!!), they Pee like maaad!!!
one jerk and pee..another and pee pee...its fun!!!
I do see a few frogs around my house, where they get water to breed is a haunting question(any answers???) but they never seem to be outta water in their bladders.
And Frogs happen to be one of my most favorite animals, not that I want them as pets, but I want them in our garden so that I can have muffled laughs amidst adults who don't think it is fun!

PS:Micturate means "to pee" or "urinate".

Yours Summer-ly

2008-05-25T21:42:00.007+05:30

About a few weeks ago,Mom prepared the "vadiyaalu" paste and put them for drying in the sun...those little bewitching crunchy sun-dried antique-formula-ed ingenious inventions of Andhra woman!!!
When we were part of a bigger almost-joint family my mom and her two sister-in-laws would plan on one fine Sunday to prepare and sun-dry their unique kitchen-laboratory-formulas,age-old-formulas they had inherited from their mothers,...and while they took the paste into their hands and artistically pasted them ..with the thumb pushing the paste from their four fingers and expertly painting a sea of vadiyaalu on a old but beautiful nine-yard cotton saree..
I would beg my mom to let me help her...for anybody with the slightest eye for art, the exercise is irresistable!
..she would say my hands were too small...or that it would be a waste of time,the task had become pretty routine for her.
And when there would be signs of an unusual afternoon summer rain we(cousins) would all rush to help them bring the delicacies sun-dried and safe..admist shouts and hullaballoo from three corners of the house by three harried woman...Summers were great fun!
I think...for their antiquity UN should declare vadiyaalu a 'World Heritage Recipe'.Wot say?Or atleast we should think of the Vadiyaalu-heritage once every summer before mindlessly gorging on those little masterpieces!

And the exotic mangoes of Andhra!!!This picture is of a mango from our garden and cold Curd Rice(the curd is not from our cows'..we don't 'own/intend to own' one!)!
Yummy!
For about 15years of my life we lived in an area that's called a "mandi"(Urdu for market..Sitafal-mandi)..and Man did we have a ball!!!Seasons and fruits must have been one very easy kindergarten chapter for us, coming to think of it we never had such a chapter, no wonder I crave for custard apples a little too often!
Abt 10 yrs ago..I remember Mom buying 10kgs of Bangenapally Mangoes at 40Rs for a week-long vacation at our cousin's!!!That is a measly 4Rs/kg!!!It was dead cheap even 10 yrs ago!!!
And there was this old tribes woman-with eyes that pierced through crocodile-skin,skin that was as wrinkled and wasted as the mangoes she sold. She would call out to my mother shouting hoarsley through teeth that held on to a dying beedi,"the sweetest of totapari ever", almost every season!
It is a different story why none in my family ever taste the 'totapari-s'.(they call them 'kotipirralu' or something close in telugu)..lolz!

Anyways...lots of summeries(summer+memories) for a 22 yr old!
Signing off for today.
Yours summerly...

PS:I have to apologise for the conspicuous abscence of "avakaaya". May be next summer.

(un)Indian Premier League

2008-05-23T13:56:00.004+05:30

Now that evrybody has blogged(read vomitted) on IPL I feel it is very important to have a blog(read vommit) on IPL.It is something like every celebrity being associated with a cause...like Shilpa Shetty makes Chicken Curry on 'Big Brother' after having posed scandalously for PETA..

Here are some nice causes celebrities should associate themselves to:
Gold Mine Workers-->Saurav Ganguly(For all the gaudy gold he wears!!!)
Save the Rickshaw Pullers-->Shoaib Akshtar(doesn't he look like one?The Rawalpindi Rickshaw Express!)
The Deliberately Dumb-->Rahul Dravid(speak for yourself for heaven's sake!!!)
Orangutan Rehab-->Priyanka Chopra(Love Story 2050!!!)
Unabashedly Skimpy-->Shriya Saran(don't you worry we like it!)
blah blah...

@Deccan Chargers
I feel so bad for Adam Gilchrist he wouldn't hav lost so many matches in his life "ever"!Bad luck for one of the only remaining "walkers" in the game.(Sachin walks?)
And I am guessing someone deliberately broke VVS's wrist, they should have also killed Scott Styris and Nuwan Zoysa too.
That is why you should have atleast two Pakistanis in your team. Just see how they disposed off their coach during World Cup-07.
Hire me as ur team manager and I will assure you greatentertainment.(If the 2 Pakis dont dispose me off):D
But there will be a strange case, I would want to shoot Shahid Afridi rightaway...may be 1 Bangladeshi will balance the bars?Aah!Such good neighbours we have!

@Royal Challengers Bangalore
Thanks so much for the entertainment. How I wish we has access to Spy Cams in their dressing room...It would make such a nice reality show.
But seriously, RCB is a hilarious team!!!Forget the opponent,they challenge their owner, manager, captain...that is called a "Royal Challenge", Mallya???

@DC and RCB
Don't give up the fight, you deserve to fight for the last place come what may!I am all eyes :D

@Team Names
Funny names but why do you have to name yourself "Farting Kings" and "Royal Crappers"?I thought we didn't believe in Monarchies?Stinking Capitalists!!!

I would have named my team "The Aam Aadmi Team"-No hype, no songs, yes pretty cheerleaders(no compromises there!),polished "Ranji" Talent and Shane Warne :D

To pull in the crowds we'd have free T-shirts(ful of advertisement strips,which would fade off after 3 washes) and a surprise gift(usually a kilo vegetables,coz they're costly too,but sometimes another plain T-shirt).

Also, where should we base our team?
Nainital/Mussorie/Darjeeling/Ooty/Goa?
Shouldn't waste much time on the place 'coz it is like the most useless thing to do, Mumbaikars like Agarkar play for Kolkata Knight Riders so some random place would do. Only criteria being "no connection".
"Jalpaiguri Aam Aadmeez" or "Shravanabelagola Aam Aadmeez" or "Aamudaalavalasa Aam Aadmeez"(I call for Amudalavalasa!)

What about $revenue$ for the "Aamudalavalasa Aam Aadmeez" Team?
You guessed it right, spy cams in dressing rooms! Scandalous videos, parallel reality show on "Aam Aadmi Channel":D

Would you cheer for my...err...OUR team then?
As long as I break even I don't really care you know, go break your head on how to choose your favorite team!!!

Pinocchio!

2008-05-21T10:47:00.003+05:30

Aaaah!
I have been a harmless liar, only till I read Gandhi's 'TSOMEWT'. I almost refrained from lying(harmless or harmful) totally..
I would plainly tell people I din't call them on their birthday 'coz 'I forgot' and not because 'I was assisting my 'fictitious' pet-dog in labour'(good heavens dogs have short gestation periods!) or because my Bamma died for the 92nd time.(sorry Bamma)
I would also tell people frank opinions(when asked) on their clothes/opinions/pickles(coz its 'avakaaya' season). There is no point in trying to be politically correct, I don't aspire to be a politician in the near future.

And "not lying" has such a purging effect, I felt a cleanliness like that of bathing in natural springs while fish soothingly nibbled my toes in that remote Japanese spa!(watching too much of travel and living these days!)

Talking of 'Travel and Living', isn't it strange we like to see more of India(through a foreigner's eyes) than less of New Zealand(from a hyper-Indian-female's eyes on NDTV-Good times)..well I was flipping channels and there were this wide-eyed couple who were discussing "the importance of females not showing their legs in India" with 'cute' Delhi~college~girls(r they something!!!)...
when their middle-aged female guide leads them to this shady-shopping-alley-in-Old Delhi(Chandni Chowk?)...the American guy looks at the sky to see tangled wires in all shapes and sizes..."What is this?",he asks with a feeling of amazement and 'WTF-ness' and the 'elegant lady-in-blood-red-churidar-to-match-black-roadside-north-indian-goggles' replies "beautification of Old Delhi by the Government"!
LOLZ!!!

Back to Pinocchio...
I had compelling reasons to go on a 10 day vacation,suddenly everyone wanted reasons and suddenly Pinocchio possessed me.
Apparently, one of my teammate believes I was on a vacation to Chennai, which happens to be my "native place"(sorry Hyderabad, on second thoughts not a bad choice to change native places after the IPL!!!Go to hell Deccan Chargers!:P).
My manager(who called from Bangalore to know "reasons" as if he would miss my occasional-'sorry-I-didn't-get-you'-pings on Sametime) is still under the impression that my brother returned from USA and booked a vacation and all I had to do is board the train/plane.
Sadly, Pinocchio also lied to the only-guys-that-make-office-fun.I couldn't give exact reasons and they believe I eloped with someone and got married...and suddenly I am "never-know-what-he's-upto"-types.

Riddikulus!

Some of you who know the "compelling reasons",kindly shut up!
And for those who are still angry, sorry, Pinocchio had "compelling reasons".

@Compelling reasons
How would you react to Telugu hero Nitin going on a vacation to become Brad Pitt?
Have a good laugh while I devise plans to not let my teammate talk to my manager about my so called "vacation"!

On Love and Marriage

2008-04-30T11:33:00.006+05:30

My posts "Fart from the Future"(and the not so popular sequel) must have irked at least a dozen "wanna-be-mehndi-laga-ke-rakhna-brides" and "wanna-be-chehra-saja-ke-rakhna-grooms".

That was clearly not my main intention. I do not believe love is a mental disease(though I see a lot of people in diseased love) or marriages are for dorks. But I think the issue is debatable.

I don't know much about love, I have never experienced cinematic love, I can never elope with girls-who-can-dance-well-and-lecture-endlessly-on-love neither can I sing songs on love or confront horny-goons "effectively".
Also, I haven't seen perfect "notebook" marriages.(I have seen many neurotic and parasitic ones).And I do not have wild hopes of a perfect marriage in my case("if it happens").

According to me,Motherly affection comes very close to true-love, where there is little logic and much sacrifice. Every Kaikeyi likes her Bharatha(she made sacrifices-reputation..duh???).I cannot recollect Bharatha's wife's name(s), either she/they was/were insignificant or they were braiding each others pigtails all the time.

And of perfect marriages, what are they made of? Magnanimity?Compromises?Oneness?Bliss?

Hindu mythology hasn't one episode of perfect marriage, Satyabhama squabbled with Krishna over parijatam-flowers(I hear women scream..it was not for the flower..it was for the love..wateva!!)

Rama and Sita had one of the worst marriages of all time. Sita married Rama because he broke something.Nice reason lady!
Rama condemned her to the forests out of sheer lack of clarity of thought.Later he even suspected her..blah blah...not an iota of respect in that relation!He didn't marry another woman out of devotion for his wife, the chauvinists might say...Sita didn't marry another man either, I wud contend!(Yet we celebrate Sita-Rama Kalyanam???)
(I'm not a MCP!)

I am told Ranganayakamma(a fiery Telugu communist writer) riled Ramayana(Ramayana Vishavruksham) for its male-chauvinism..etc..so I won't write more on Ramayana, read that book.

But all I want to tell some of my newly-married/married/wanna-be-married-sometime readers is that I wish only good things for them. I wish they grow to be better individuals, better 'givers than takers' and happy families.

So what is true love or perfect marriage?
We never know, may be it is just good story-material.

PS:I do understand things can't be generalized and ideal things do not exists in reality, but at least Gods should have had balanced(not just happy) marriages???

Fart from the Future-2

2008-04-22T11:04:00.005+05:30

PO(Professor Only Rude),LMG(late male groom) and LFB(late female bride) return to Earth for some more lessons on 'Life on Earth'
LMG and LFB are very excited about this trip, they had read up extensively on marriage and were expecting to impress their professor.But the professor was not the least interested in marriage any more, he had to talk about Hindu Funerals today- which,to him, was a very boring topic.

***

LMG to LFB: Do you know husbands would routinely abuse their wives and were still worshipped for years.Mad women!

LFB:Dumb men!They dug their own pits!But,I am glad we died before we led a married life.

LMG:(matter-of-fact-ly) Couldn't agree more!

PO: Enough of marriage, I understand you have read on the subject, you have understood the inane intricacies and elaborate boring ritualism. I would want to talk about Hindu Funerals only for a minute before we talk about something LFB asked in the last class.
Hindu Funerals are just the opposite of marriages, while the occasion was a sad one the rituals were more like a celebration of death with elaborate dishes prepared specially for the occasion...not many questions on funeral are asked in examinations as the ghosts never liked the way they were sent off.Anyways...lets move on to today's Lecture on....
Wait, before I start off I have some questions for you, I will give you some symptoms and you have to identify the disease they are associated with.

LFB and LMG: Ok!

PO:Sleeplessness?

LMG:Insomnia!

PO:When you have too many troublesome thoughts in your mind?

LMG: You are a woman!

LFB: Shut Up!Troublesome thoughts like delusions and hallucinations?

PO: hmm...yes

LFB: Schizophrenia!

PO: Yes!Next...what about being down by negative thoughts?

LFB: Mental Depression.

PO: Fast Heart beat?

LFB: Hypertension!
LMG: Running!

PO: Hypertension is correct.
Today, we shall talk about Love. The one ubiquitous word, it meant a whole lot of things and nothing at all also. The Entertainment Industry(movies mainly) primarily survived on the word Love. When they failed to rationalize weird story-lines,where the guy and girl eloped(without a plan) after feelings strong physical desire "Love" rescued them.Love also helped puny teenagers(Nitin in "Jayam") fight Big-time~horny~Bodybuilders. Love was like marijuana, it romanticized anything and everything.Love was defined, redefined, baptised, crucified and ended up meaning what it wasn't meant to be. Many people failed to explain wat it was but one genius did.

LFB: Who was she?

PO: It was a "he", a guy who wrote songs for lowly Hindi movies.

LFB: What did he write?

PO: He wrote this song called "ishq hai"(Movie:Ishq), where he tried to define love...

--FEMALE--
Jab neend na aaye, aah(When you can't sleep)
Jab yaad sataaye, aah aah aah(When thoughts trouble you)
Jab dil ghabaraaye, aah aah aah aah, aah(When your heart beats fast)
Jab gham tadpaaye(When sorrow overtakes you)
Isse kya kahiye, mere rab tu bata(Wat does one call this, tell me my Lord!)

--CHORUS--
Ishq hai, ishq hai, ishq hai, ishq hai(Love it is!Love it is!Yes this is what, Love is!)

Now, LMG can u translate the symptoms and replace them with the diseases?

LMG: Sure!
When one suffers from insomnia
When one is schizophrenic
When one has hypertension
When one is in Mental Depression
It is called Love.

LFB: Is it? When we put all those symptoms together, its a bigger disease.A disease with diseases as symptoms!

PO: Interesting observation.I hope you have understood what the word means now?

LFB: On our last trip I heard a voice from Greece, from someone called Plato...

PO: He was right! Love is a serious mental disease. Do dwell on the subject, research on Indian movie songs will help you a lot. We shall meet again and discuss television.

LFB(with shattered look): Thanks professor.
LMG(playing with snot balls): You seem to be in bad moods, a cup of coffee?

PO:(whistling Ishq Hai Ishq Hai)Thats all folks!Pack up!

Fart from the Future!

2008-04-15T10:24:00.005+05:30

Earth supported life till 2030 when God intervened and killed George Bush Jr, Osama and Rajasekhar Reddy with a huge mosquito-incinerator-like-bat(made in China), the Humans celebrated by bursting crackers and contributed a little too much to the Global Warming(compounded with the stench of rotting rotten minds).
Within a week Earth died. Though a few unlucky individuals like Professor Onlyrude(PO) survived. Aliens had an inkling of life on Earth and had been in regular contact with PO,who emigrated to 'Planet Htrae'(PH) with the souls of some of the deceased.

This is an account between the souls of a newly married couple and PO.The couple's souls don't remember anything from the past, all they currently know is what they looked like in their previous incarnation,reasonably good English and important cuss words-though they don't use them in the company of PO.

The team visits Earth in 2035 and excavates what looks like a area of Human habitation with a very low Logic Index(defined by PO)..
They stumble upon a 'Hindu Marriage Album'(Telugu) that miraculously escaped the wrath of God and Global Warming:

Characters:(truly)
Late Male Groom-LMG
Late Female Bride-LFB

Reactions..
LMG:"So this is how I used to look sleep-deprived back then?"
"And ewww!Who's that alien beside me?Looks like a female, and what on earth is she wearing?My eyes can't take the gaudiness!!!My eyes!!!"

LFB:Moron!Shut Up,Thats me...probably I was sick...interestingly..I never knew my this~is~how~i~look~in~the~loo~constipated expression.And look at you, you look like you love looking constipated...

PO: Order Order!You former earthlings of pea-sized brains!Neither of you is constipated, you were getting married..

LFB and LMG: Isn't marriage one of the main reasons for the extermination of life on Earth?

PO: Good. Glad my previous lessons didn't go waste. Yes, Married Woman craved for gold and the Men craved for Money, so all they did was spend money on gold, they eventually starved their children to buy gold...

LMG(interrupts):Behind every Groom's downfall there is a Bride.

LFB(oblivious to the comment and eyes transfixed on GOLD): I'm starting to take a fascination for gold.
...

***

Turn pages...
LFB to LMB: Look at this picture, we are being burnt, I am choking, you look like either you are sleeping or trying hard not to sneeze..

PO: Nope, It was sacred to light fires and burn crap, Mankind burnt all non-toxic materials(read firewood) and they had to burn plastic instead.The priests had a special liking for burnt plastic which gave them a high...and LFB you were not sleeping, you were to..

LFB(interrupts): trying to imagine how much more gold I can wear??

PO:No...

***

LFG and LMB turn another page:
Who are all these people who looked so pissed off?Most of them are sleeping, are they not happy about our marriage?

PO: ''As mankind progressed they digressed''. Astrology gained prominence, astrology was called a science of predicting future events by
1. Looking at obscure stars and nebulous constellations and making complex and useless calculations again and again and trying to slot millions of people into 12 slots...
2. Changing names of people, interestingly one famous celebrity earthling changed her name to a tongue twister and added an exclamation to it.She was called "Shesellsseashellsontheseashore!"...its a long story..
3. Suggesting use of special stones in their rings and later small sized boulders around their hips.
4. Also others like swapping your right and left hands(due to bad PERSONAL Vaastu) etc..

And Astrology lead to elaborate ceremonies, eventually all astrologers decided that Auspicious Times are at un-earthly hours and auspicious events are at untidy places(read cramped halls with low roofs and untidy bathrooms)...
Nobody was happy, but because they had forgotten what LOGIC meant,they suffered for want of it.

LFB and LMG: Sighing in disbelief, looking at the stars...

PO:This is all for today's practicals. We shall come back for more on 'Funerals and Feasts'-the next chapter on how Hindus feasted for 12 days when they lost a loved one...

LFB: What is Love?
LMG: Is it one of those cliched human feelings?
PO: later later...

They board their vehicles while an echo from remote Greece reverberates..
"This is Plato...Love is a serious mental disease..."

The Blah Blah World of Corporations-Part 1

2008-04-03T17:12:00.004+05:30

How BLAH is your life? Mine is beyond the capacity of the human mouth and its vocal capacities!The world has to exhaust all its energy resources to produce the sound of my "BLAH" World. Anyways, here's one very interesting and "real" BLAH conversation I witnessed.

Tutorial:
Blah is measured in Mega Blahs(MB),Kilo Blahs and Nano Blahs..blah..blah.

1 MB:It is equivalent to the sound/feeling produced from a cow's moo during extreme constipation. It is also the sound of one Malyalam Female's shout of exclamation on being gifted a litre of Coconut Oil .Thus,It is also called the 'Mallu Bite'.

1 KB: It is equivalent to the sound/feeling produced from the "Sorry-for-interruption" program on Doordarshan. It is also equivalent to the feeling of disbelief when you hear a Telugu guy read out his name.

1nB: The Nano Blah is equivalent to the sound/feeling produced when a Tata Nano is trampled by a Tata Estate. There is no human equivalent yet as the Tata Nano hasn;t been released, though many say it is an infrasonic sound and a feeling of smelling rotten eggs.

Now that you have been sufficiently addressed, Read on..

***

The Conference Call(Feeling Rating:100MB-Mega Blahs)
Participants: neeRa(R),remaP(P), ohsinM(M)(all jumbled names of real & existing "characters")
Pseudo-Participants: nirudhA(me)

R and P:(screaming at 20 MB) Has the new "Work breakdown Structure Blah" been created by the Hyderabad team?
...
..
sound drops to Zero Nano Blahs
..
...
P:(repeats) M are you sleeping?(giggles at 15MB)

M:(sleeping and snoring at 10 KB..on Mute)

P:(unbelievingly and in a crystal clear voice) M are u there? You r not listening?(50 MB)

M: (wakes up and covers up) P and R your voices are breaking! :O(I gasp at 5 nBs)

P:(BLAH-ly-ly) Is it?(15 KB)

M:(BLAH)P and R your voice is breaking, I can't hear you!(70 MB)

P and R: Now(80 MB)?,Now(90MB)?, Now(ultrasonic)?

(the whole floor reveberates to the Malayalam~accented~NOWS)

M:(Coolly) Its better now, Can you repeat the question?

Blah...Blah...Blaaaah...

And I was twice as far from the phone as Mr.M was, M,P and R are not even my team mates, I was straining my ears to avoid the conversation and Mr.M takes away all the honours, "Your voice is breaking!".

Mr.M you have a special place in the "Blah World of Corporates"

***

The First law Of Conservation of Blah:
Blah can neither be created nor destroyed.It is as dense as the black hole and as omnipresent as air,all it takes is a moment of brilliance to grab Blah.Blah-s the word!

Paranoia

2008-04-01T13:46:00.003+05:30

It is not easy when you take life into your hands. It is even harder to make decisions, see direction in every step you take and keep believing in yourself "come what may"!

Is it because of that idealistic idea we have about life?(the "happily~ever~after" types). Is it because we confuse the means for the ends and vice versa?
Like we are trained for exams that would purportedly "set all things right once for all?"
One exam and Lo you have a life!
Something like one press of a button and there you go SUICIDE BOMBER!

I have made hard decisions over the past one year or so. In particular, this month-last year, was monumental for me for different reasons.I am reminded of those two great lines "The Sound of Music"...("Climb Every Mountain")

"A dream that will need, all the love you can give
Everyday of your life, for as long as you live"
(Isn't pen the mightiest?)

But life becomes so complicated and you start to have your own doubts.Life becomes so predictable too, you have this sense of deja vu about everything. "Did I already tell you about what my boss bi^ched about?"

Many die before discovering their talents. We are are playing to somebody's else's dream. Someone dreams of a steam engine and you end up specializing in cleaning the pistons and pipes!

But really and practically(I'm shit scared of practicality these days, 'coz It hints at a lack of conscience),Do all of us have (equally) brilliant(or unique/worthy) talents ?

EMPHATIC "NO!"

But that is not taking us anywhere, is it?Whatever little dreams are mine I will cherish them.Whatever the outcome, stash your barometer in your deepest valleys of vanity, I can measure my results(mind you, I am not saying success!...smells of the cinematic "I compete with myself sh!t!!!")

Or is this disguised jealousy?Because I can't be as good as you are and all I can do is feel jealous and therefore I will create my own world of weights and measures.

Interesting.

Imposition

2008-03-24T12:09:00.002+05:30

Dreams take time.
Dreams take time.
Dreams take time.
Dreams take time.
Dreams take time.
Dreams take time.
Dreams take time.
Dreams take time.
Dreams take time.
Dreams take time.

PS:I didn't copy-paste.It was self-imposed.Triggered by a beautiful UNICEF card from my brother.Thank You.

Is this a Red Blog?

2008-03-12T10:12:00.002+05:30

I am not Communist. I am left-leaning though and I won't deny that.This definitely doesn't mean I am against globalization/liberalization of economies world over. Even UK, one of the founding fathers of glabalization is headed by a Labour Party with working class roots, so the contradiction lies buried.Amen!

All my "Straight Face"-Label posts do have some lines like "We are all robbers" or some passing thoughts on beggars,tribal women or maid-servants and I am sure we have all had thoughts about them, only to be blinded by the dumb Hindu karma theory!
The Left in India means so many bad things like the recent belligerent stand against the Nuclear deal or periodic fits about globalization.I hate them for their anachronism but I do respect them for their association with the "aam aadmi" or even the "Benaam"(nameless).

I am no economics-fundoo but from whatever I have read, I understand that countries with a strong socialist background continue to do well in sectors like health,education and rural empowerment.(Cuba has an excellent health record, so do Vietnam,Venezuela et al)

We, in India, are struggling to provide even proper primary education.And the less talked the better of the already "educated"(just look at the amount of litter all around,how many of us have houses as bad as our roads? or public utilities as disused as ours?)

The whole country is debating on the farmer-loan waivers that would cost us 60,000 crore and Someonemade a passing reference about the Indian farmer being a fool who tills the land out of habit.There is some truth in that, given the gross neglect of the Government and the role of tradition that ensures a status-quo.(caste etc..).
Sometime back I read Munshi Premchand's 'Godaan'(in English),the protagonist,a farmer of the late 19th century is in perennial debt...and so are other peasants of the village.(another post on Godaan may be..)

Cut to today, there are still many people who are in debt. I am not rubbishing our independence, I am just sad we about how parochial we have become ensconced in our comfortable office chairs growing jolly good paunches.What use of a trillion dollars in foreign exchange when you cringe about helping the needy?
I do understand that the waiver is not the best way to offer the farmers support.But let us hope this will help them start life afresh.
Annadaata Sukheebhava!

***

On my way to the plush Software parks of Hyderabad I pass along a semi-thatched, one-roomed, typical Indian Government School(Mandal Parishad School in Madhapur).And almost on the other side of the road is the dapper NIFT(National Institute of Fashion Technology), and the super dapper-Hi tech City...sigh!Blinding contrasts!

It is this contrast that I choose to identify with, the contrast of a Shining India and a Starving India. The contrast of heavy billboards and beggars sleeping in its shadow. The dingy little Government schools and heavily subsidised Software Skyscrapers.The coarse shouts of broom-selling migrant vendors and watchmen guarding big bungalows.

No!I am not calling for a rebellion.I am calling for democratic empowerment, broad-mindedness and love...
and..I guess I know my calling. :D

Acknowledgments for the eye-opening wrtings of:
P. Sainath, Amartya Sen & Jean Dreze, M S Swaminathan, N.Ram(The Hindu)

I Dream,You Innovate.

2008-03-03T14:50:00.005+05:30

I was discussing with my friend how the world is not sufficiently industrialized. I was kicking myself in the shins 'coz I was too lazy to give my filthy coiled(some may call it curly) hair a head bath and chose a haircut. As things stand,haircuts are mad affairs, for one I almost sprain my neck during every haircut and for others I hate suggestions on hairstyle!
I can't carry a hairstyle, I cannot grow my hair, I can't color it or blah blah...for the simple reasons that I hate my hair. It will leave me someday and I wont just be bald on my head,I will have a "bald" identity...

Guy A: Who Anirudh?
Guy B: That mad guy..
Guy A: That guy who?
Guy B: That bald-mad-guy
Guy A:Ok that uncle!

So hair, If u are listening, BEHAVE!

Anyways,Today I choose to dream instead of ranting about my dirty *^&$ hair.

Dream 1:
You future Mechanical Engineer stop reading about Fluid Flow and weird pistons, a kindred soul requires a Automatic Hair Cutter!
I want it to be affordable, light, eco-friendly and do not forget to note down "interchangeability"(The Second Hand market..duh???)
I have a name for it "Hare Cut"-and a tag line-"It cuts as fast as a hare runs"

Dream 2:
Ahh..good old sleep, how I miss you!
How I wish I could take a 2 hour refreshing nap in 20 minutes.
How I wish I could fall asleep keeping my eyes open.(How else can one sleep in an Office?)
So this challenge is for all those useless glass-breaking scientists, for once stop losing sleep over broken glass.
Name your pills along those chemical mouth-twisters.
1.Pqenejoxyl-'The time machine pill,kabhi bhi,abhi hi!'
2.Ztijukawnox-'see and sleep at the same time'...donno if it will hav many takers but Deve Gowda will be mighty impressed.

I hope Shahrukh Khan is listening, Coz invariably he does all the advertisements anyways!Man he need a hare cut!

Taare Zaleel Par

2008-02-28T14:25:00.005+05:30

TZP was a tear-jerker beyond doubt. I felt as if Aamir Khan made a special connection to everybody's hearts and played with them left and right!I forgot my hanky and had a hard time controlling my tears, should thank my lachrymal glands a lot coz the tears brimmed but did never overflow.(Mr.Anirudh' Brain,listening??LEARN!!!Brim,don't overflow)

I was thinking what kind of idiotic zaleel(Contemptible) sh!t the Southie Film makers made in the 80s and 90s in the name of movies for children. Invariably all children movies had Baby Shamili and a pet to go with..usually a Snake, but sometimes Dogs, Monkeys, Bulls and Wild sheep also..

I have a confession..I loooooved those movies(as a CHILD) ...where the child with her supernatural powers played with the villanous folk. It was sparring Gods, sparring Gods and Demons, sparring duaghter-in-law and mom-in-law who pray different Gods(HINDUISM!)...
Gods fought over devotees like village folk over chattel or more appropriately children over sharing a gifted chocolate.

In one movie, Goddess Meena...err Actress Meena wants her devotee to fulfil her fish or suffer her wrath! In another Baby Shamili is protecting her sibling(another Baby Shamili) from a Demon God.GOD!

Now, what impact it had on children as a whole I can't predict..but I am sure many would have felt like I did. I deeply and secretly believed I had super natural powers. I used to challenge Rain God..calling him names that sounded like impotent(MENTAL ME!)...the logic being the "Hurt" Rain God(obviously) would instead rain harder and I could enjoy the rain. :)

Sadly, magic never happened.Positively though. I have another rationalization for my MENTAL abilities.

Weirdo??

2008-02-27T10:06:00.004+05:30

I am (just) 36% Abnormal

You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul.

You are at medium risk for having a borderline personality. It is somewhat likely that you are a chaotic mess.

You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection.

You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement.

You are at medium risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is somewhat likely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer.

How Abnormal Are You?

But JUST 36%!!!!
Just pass....I deserve more!!!

The Dream..

2008-02-23T19:48:00.005+05:30

I was in an airport. Brightly lit billboards all around..Air Somali, Air Some-istan...
Suddenly I realize I am in Somalia and flying back home soon, and...I am not taking back a penny of Somali Currency to India(My brain calls it Somali Lira)..
I go to the woman whoz giving out Somali Liras and flash a 10Rs note(wondering if mom would approve of the exchange??!!).
I get 5 million Somali Liras for 10 Rupees!5 million! And the Lira is like a credit-card transaction slip!

I turn around to see Somali-Guy talking to me..
Somalian: Why would you not lend out an arm to the Old Black man?
Me: really???!!!
Somalian: Why would you not open the door for a Black man?
Me(thinking): I am not racist.
But, suddenly I spot a lot of Indians with me in the airport..and feel reassured.
Then flashes a news bulletin about tonnes of Rice being sent as Aid from the UN.
Me: I have to do something about this. How do we distribute all the food?
I wake up...

Trying to make sense of the whole thing and extrapolating:
What did the devalued currency mean? What was the point the Somalian was trying to make?

Hasn't the Hindu society given Racism a stamp of legitimacy from caste?
Do we not shamelessly confuse skin color with an individual's personality?
Do we even care for all those 800 million hungry people.. while people(like me) belong to the 1000 million strong over-weight community?
How much time have you spent on evading tax and how much in choosing a new mobile phone?

The beggar at the traffic signal is an object of great contempt. And those who give them a rupee are "naive"!One is popularly expected to be judgmental about the frigging 1 rupee!While one can freely avail the "specially-for-fat-asses-discounts" at the newest mall!

Ayn Rand is popular for all her insensitivity and stinginess about compassion and love.
But the day one starts to reason love and ration compassion he/she ceases to be Human.
I don't know if I made any point but I am not least proud of the people I see day-in and day-out.

India needs direction, let not callousness become folklore!

Little Miss Mosquito.

2008-02-22T09:52:00.002+05:30

Ever wondered why the female mosquitoes tend to suck human blood while the males prefer plant juices?

Don't break your heads.There is an obvious reason.

The brainy male prefer to feed on plants
(REASON:they don't move and hence are safe to feed on...barring some Venus Fly Trap....which again is a vicious female plant...Venus..duh???)

The brainless female chose humans who, with the clap of a hand/ flick of a button(with the new mosquito-incinerating-bats from China!).

Some may argue otherwise and say the females are capable of dealing with humans while the Males chose easy target..., but mind you before you fall for the flawed argument know the speaker.The chances are bright that it is another of those innumerable obtuse Females out there! :P

To rub some salt into the wound...
How evil to think of sucking someone's blood?But atleast the female mosquitoes do not say they are sane,sensitive and other Jane~Austen~crap and that the Male author is being insensitive.
What crap!It just comes down to this. Stop being hyprocrites Women!
Flaunt your fangs and suck blood "openly".
:P

Times...

2008-02-18T14:52:00.002+05:30

A good 15 years ago a group of 4 south Indian families went on a northward trip from Hyderabad. They were to stay at their relatives place in Delhi. It was a Dussehra Holiday trip.

A.P.Express smelt the normal~public~sector~nauseating.On their way to Delhi, they bought milk at Itarsi in 'kulhads'.It tasted earthy but the children liked it 'coz they broke them with great alacrity.

They landed in Delhi a good 28 hours later.

All the children wore Hawaii chappals. They were to realise this only later when, they would dodge their parents for taking them to the the TAJ MAHAL in Hawaii chappals!

And Appu Ghar.., all of them crammed into 2 autoes- a good 15 of them-entertained themselves to the wide roads and numerous Sardarjis. They hardly spoke any Hindi but still choose to bargain with the auto-driver in broken-Hindi-Telugu. South Indian Women!

Then, the Socialist country had just one theme park, just one!
They travelled 1000 miles north and would never miss out on the only Theme Park in the country.The whole of India had thronged the place, 'Magnetic Cars' was everybody's favorite, everyone waited in the queue very 'Matter-of-factly'.(There were no cell phones!)

Appu Ghar would be remembered a hundred times over for many more years.Appu Ghar was every child's consolation.
Children would say "What if your daddy is a policeman?My dad took me to the Appu Ghar!"
Appu Ghar was India's Disneyland or more.

The Old Dichotomous Socialist India.
An India where people drove Ambassador or Padimi Premier.
An India where Pollution was strange.
An India where people watched Rangoli and Chitralahari.
An India where co-passengers spoke and shared lunch and dinner!(No thanks Cell Phones!)
And an India where the Drunkard~Ration~shop~guy was a celebrity.

As Bill Clinton rightly said,to have more memories than dreams is Old Age...So I stop.

But hasn't India come of age?

Appu Ghar closed yesterday.
Many would rather prefer some part of it kept as a subtle reminder of our humble Socialist beginnings.

Appu Ghar museum?

Save the Turbans.

2008-02-13T10:42:00.008+05:30

Disclaimer:
This blog has no intentions whatsoever. I do not intend to hurt anybody or anybody's pet. All the conversations are real and the argument put forward is strictly out of subjective dementia not any vicious vilification campaign.

Ms.V: eeks! The Turbanators are unclean ppl!

Mr.Me: Yees!God knows how the luscious Punjabi kuddis marry them!

Ms.V: Forget that...there was this guy in my class who wudn't wash his hair and wud stink BIG time.So all guys got hold of him one day and convinced him to take a hair cut.

Mr. Me: :O Guts!Blasphemy!(under my nose)

Ms.V: You can't imagine!There was evrything under the hair. They had to literally beg the barber to even touch his god-forsaken hair!

Mr.Me: So there was an eco-system there?

Mr.V: Yees! A thriving eco-system!

Mr.Me: We hav to save it!What about all the lice and their kind?

Ms.V: Yees!Spot On!

Mr.Me and Ms.V: Save the Turbans! They are an eco-system! :P

Save the Turbans!They are an eco-system.

Aap Mujhe achchE Lagne Lage

2008-01-29T11:38:00.000+05:30

Its not about that dumb movie where Hrithik and Ameesha Patel sleepwalked and we slept.

Its about this-->Aap Mujhe AchchE Lagne Lage

:D

Vegetarianism

2008-01-22T18:08:00.000+05:30

I consider myself extremely fortunate to have had a peek into the Mahatma's own writings-'The Story of My Experiments with Truth'.

Gandhi's unflinching belief in Vegetarianism, his stint with various Vegetarian soceities in London touched me. The Mahatma has his own way of saying things!More of Him later.

Through the book, Vegetarianism received a new boost.Though it was Caste that initially made my family vegetarians.I refrained from even discussing the topic with my non-vegetarian friends,lest they misunderstand my views to an age old Caste-War and accuse me of snobbery!
I wish to make a case for vegetarianism and I swear there is not an iota of the "insignifact caste" element in my belief.

It pains to see the way poultry are handled. Hung upside-down on speeding Bajaj-scooters,having been brought up in caged environs they are even incapable of flight,yet they are birds!
They are mercilessly massacred in a queues,as if on a pilgrimage,poor chicken.Obviously if this is not cruelty, what is?

Obviously you haven't seen a Mother Hen go wild after its chicks were trampled by a tractor.
Haven't you wondered why dogs chase motorbikes?
Simple.They grive for their personal loss. They feel.
This should clear all doubts of whether animals need the sympathy or that they have no souls(as Bible says!). Mercy, as shakespeare said is a blessed virtue, it is "blesseth twice", he said.

Mercy!I beg.

Vegetarianism is something that I will stand by. It has nothing to do with something as unimportant as a person's caste, or as hollow as religion.

Please build your muscles from Soya Beans, Carl Lewis did.
Please fire up your grey matter from Okra, Albert Einstein did.
Please get the 'Chicken soup for your soul' from Tomato Soup, The Buddha, Jesus and the Mahatma,did.

Plan B:
Also,research(Here) says:
"18 percent of global warming emissions come from raising cows, chickens, pigs, turkeys and other animals we eat. That's 40 percent more than all the world's cars, SUVs, airplanes, and other modes of fossil-based transportation, which combined account for 13 percent. For further comparison, every house, residential and office building in the world accounts for just 8 percent.
There's a trend in Europe called "Meat Reducers" where, along with recycling and not taking plastic bags, people are eating meat at least one day less a week. Become a "Meat Reducer." It is a simple thing everyone can do to lower their own carbon footprint."

Go veggy!
Am I forgetting something...ooh!

Phoebe Buffay Zindabad!

PS:I am against Dairy and Eggs too. Eggs are outta my plate now,Dairy next!

And if you are wondering about the picture?Here is the story.

Pitta(Bird)

2008-01-09T13:05:00.000+05:30

As a nature lover I have been in love with Fish(Guppies,Angels,Buffs,Fighters), Plants and Birds for ever!
My cousin's aquariums were a cynosure for all eyes(two huge ones). We went out on expeditions to lakes in Osmania University to collect water plants for the aquarium and he always took me when we went fish-shopping. :D
Sparrows were my favorite birds as a child."Picchuka" as they are affectionately called in Telugu, dozens of Picchuka-s nested around our common well.(yes, All this in Hyderabad!)The spotted males the spotless wheat-brown females twittered in our backyard. Mom occasionally left a handful of rice for the avian visitors.It is a different story that the sparrows have died, I haven't seen one in a long long time.

My real interest in Birds kindled when we shifted to A.S.Rao Nagar(6 yrs ago) and I chanced upon this English Press Club(Thank You!) aticle in Pilani.Pilani was home to numerous birds.Beautiful Peacocks that gatecrashed into Engineering classes.Hoopoe's umpired in the cricket grounds while lunching on the plentiful insect life,Blue Rock Pigeons shat on every hapless student,the sparrows loved samosa-chat leftovers,Parakeets boldly nested in tree-hollows alongside busy roads. Owls hooted,Pigeons moaned...it was such a pleasure to just BE there and do nothing.

Something happened last week, I ran into a Green bird,with slender legs and thick black for eye-liner.It wolf-whistled (on and off) in our home-garden and seemed extremely shy.In about a week I spotted its mate. They seemed to have adopted our garden for their winter vacation. Soon, Mom and Dad noticed the bird and all of us were jumping everytime we spotted that bird.
Coincidence!I chanced upon a Birdwatchers research study on http://www.atsweb.neu.edu/pparimi/checklist.html

I was innocently looking up for names of the birds I saw often.And I chanced upon the Indian Pitta photoes and the Indian Pitta article.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pitta_%28bird%29

Now this is the icing!

"The name is derived from the word pitta in the Telugu language of Andhra Pradesh in India and is a generic local name used for all small birds."

My happiness knew no bounds. Internet helped me find out about the avian visitor!I went home and told my parents about it.Showed them the wiki article.We were all surprised!Even the bird seemed to have lost its shyness, our encounters with it were no longer that exciting,like a casual diary note...
Next day, Dad told me that a couple of days ago on a fine afternoon he found the Pitta infront of our gate.Half-eaten,half-dead, 'seems it had rich blue pluamge under the bold green...a Cat was the culprit!

The Pitta died.

I checked up its vulnarability status in wiki..."LC"(Least Concern) it read.That was some consolation. Indian Pitta, extremely sorry for the reception you got, looking forward to seeing your cousins next year.This time be extra careful and I will try to bell the Cat.

But what of all the un-bell-able and dangerous humans around?

Retardation

2007-12-18T11:16:00.000+05:30

My new phase in life.

Or may be I am more 'self-aware' these days!

Retardation scaled new levels.

One, I have taken to saying "Sorry, I gotta leave.." before saying "Hello.." or "Congrats! On your blah-blah..".

Two, I relentlessly fume at my mom and dad for reasons like "Why did you clear my perfectly messy table?"..."What is this need to change bedsheets everyday?"...."Thank You!"..."Go run and get me ear buds!"...."My helmet!!!"

Three, I have stopped believing mummy and nag"Did you really cook this stuff?".. "Is this really pure water?"

Four, I experience periods of going "hyper" and wake up hoping to see Dark Circles around my eyes.Infact, I might have asked you too about them!

Five, I try to do an English Accent..."Dear Lady Used-all-my-lipstick, Would you fancy a blow on your ear?"(Thanks, Harry Potter,Lewis Carroll). I did that for my TOEFL-ibt and was royally rewarded!

Six, I occasionally feel like beheading people who do not close doors properly, who smoke vehicle-crap, who don't like my blog :P and who think 'retards' cannot have feelings :P

Seven, I tend to summarise my feelings in "7" points always.("There can be 7veral ways to do this","A stitch in time saves 7"...etc)...Especially after Harry Potter ended in the 7th book...

Yours retardfully!

PS: New Profile on my mobile("english") phone-->"Retard"

The brilliance of Scott Adams

2007-11-19T16:28:00.000+05:30

How easily Scott Adams has summarized the SECURITY issue.

"In a perfect world, no one would be able to use anything!"

Wah Wah!Wah Wah!

BangaLUREd

2007-08-02T16:12:00.000+05:30

Banga'lure'd
Some bangalore street-poetry first...
Athibele, Electronic City, Athibele...
Madiwala, Bommanahalli, Madiwala...
Kormangala,Austin Town,Kormangala...
Halasoor,Domlur,Halasur...

The First Few Days....

It was a clear winter morning(January 5th) that i landed in Bangaluru. I was to live in Madiwala, a predominantly Tamil low-class locality. Cud any city be more cosmo?(I can't say cosmopolite 'coz Bangalore and polite? No way!)

My "first first impressions" of the city were Good. The city was too good to be true, the benevolent weather, the people(my landlord was good and so wer my neighbors)....

M.G.Road stole the show,

Kormangala with its beautiful roads lined on either side by huge trees and pretty sidewalks seemed a walker's paradise.

Lalbagh was a Gardener's Mecca.

The HUGE Christmas Trees in Sivajinagar, Ulsoor Road, Sadashiv Nagar,...mesmerised..

The spacious KSRTC buses were COOOL!

All this happenned during a long weekend when most of the notorious Bangalore traffic was either visiting beautiful waterfalls in nearby Shimoga or getting a taste of authentic Coorg coffeee, or visiting Hyd/Chennai...

The RUDE SCHOCKs and RADIO JOCKEYS!

It din't take me much time to start hating the city either! I was on my way to office and had a minor heart attack when every other road was blocked and all I cud hear was Beep, Beep, "Daari Bidi", %^&&, some more expletives, packed buses with nothing written in English/Hindi, Kannada signboards hither-thither, Kannada Radio Jockeys going ultrasonic with

"Masth Majaa Maadi"(exhorting us to enjoy wateva! "Ullasamga Uthsahamga")

"Sakkhath Hot Magaa"(Radio Mirchi's "Chaala Hot Guru!" equivalent)

and later..."Innu Sakkhath, Innu Hot"...

Well...fortunately for me, Mungaru Male(An all-time Kannada super-hit movie) had just released, while every Kannadiga crooned to "Anisuthide Yaako Indu..","Suvvi Suvvali..." et all...all us "new~to~Bangalore~guys" had more or less just one thing to say to the bus conductors...

"M.G.Road Hogatha?", "BTM Hogatha?" all the time....failing to get a reply that we cud comprehend...most Hyderabadis choose Hindi..I also chose Telugu/Tamil and met with almost the same results...a reply in Kannada!

It was time i bought myself a "Learn Kannada in 30 days" book. And learnt all beda-s, beku-s, illa-s, yenu-s, yaakey-s, hege-s, elli, illi, alli, eshtu, ishtu, ashtu, adu, idu and even if one did not even make an effort to learn the language he did learn sub consciously "maadi"

As there are exceptions always...

I overheard one North Indian guy translate "maadi" for his friends, 'Maadi' according his highness "Main~Sirf~Hindi~bolta~hun" was "OK" or "haan"....Good Lord!

Most of his colleagues dint hear him but office grapevine has it that one Kannadiga passer-by had a nervous breakdown and subsequent hysteria...

Learning Kannada.

My affair with the state's official tongue was an on-off affair as was the case with Bangalore too. I learnt it for 4 days and hated it for a week. Then Suhaas happenned...

Suhaas, this chirpy 10 year-old neighbour of mine was my Kannada teacher...he spoke in Kannada, I replied in English...we played Cricket....

While I was on an upward learning curve I came across a huge hoarding

"Upa-Mukhya Manthri Yeduriyappa avarege Huttuhabbada SubhashayagaLu!"(Birthday wishes to Deputy Chief minister, Mr.Yeduriyappa)

I was choking in the bus, the language was seemed to hurt my ear....my learning curve experienced an all time low....but as I learnt that every language has its share of awful words..I began learning again....

And More:

I am still to explain how I am still LUREd by BangaLURE...my trip to coastal Karnataka-Udupi,Manipal,Malpe,Mangaluru...and more...

write on..write on...

Let this keep me grounded!

2007-07-22T20:06:00.000+05:30

There are some things that keep me grounded.

Some things that have made me anti-jewellery, anti-self-indulgent...

I am reminded of my trip to Araku(A hill station in the Eastern ghats). From amongst all the tourists I saw a deranged tribal woman. She was shabbily dressed and looked like she was physically abused, heavily pregnant she wasn't even seeking help.

That woman must have had a story. She could have been kidnapped, raped and left to fend for herself. Or could have been just a deranged woman who was used and thrown to the hills just like all the that the retarded tourists litter.

She must've had a horrific story. Helplessly i gave her some money.Till date that scene is fresh in my memory.

In all probability, she could have died in labor. But I am still hoping rural India isn't as heartless as the urban India and the woman could have moved on,having given birth to a child, an inheritor of her loss.

The China fanatics!

2007-05-01T20:24:00.000+05:30

China! China! and more China! Enough has been said and written about the Chinese and their gigantic achievements...

Last semester I had a chance to some great books by Amartya Sen and Jean Dreze. What struck me, apart from the fact that all famous Bengalis are communists, was that India or for that matter any other country has many lessons to NOT learn from China in many aspects.

Most of all, population control!
China's sex ratio has see sharp Punjab-Haryana like tendencies. With the one-child policy parents prefer one-male child to one-female, and with no restrictions on abortions, the Chinese Female will soon be at your nearest museum alongside the Sardarnis and Haryanvis.

Sad but surprising...India, as the book points out, is a bundle of contradictions...

States like Kerala and TN have had very successful Family planning programmes and also a Female/Male ratio on par with most developing countries(0.98-1.02).

Stop smiling proud Tamils, 'coz TN has its own contradictions with the Sivakasi district being one of the most backward of districts in the world(worse than some African countries)

But still what we can smile about is the fact that without enfocing anything on anybody some parts of our country have done great is some aspects.

And the SEZs issue is a Pandora's box in itself, with China evicting millions of its own citizens and all this sporting the garb of a Communist nation!

All is not well with China and remember the next time you talk of them, just remember they have got it all wrong!

If u still stick to their formula, please start breathing lesser oxygen 'coz China is thinking of rationing oxygen for their citizens 'coz of all the pollution you see, they also have plans of making Panda-like dolls and industrialize all its forests...

Good luck China!

Some more news...16 of the world's 20 most polluted cities in the world are from China...

On a Serious Note...

2007-05-01T17:38:00.000+05:30

The day before yesterday Dad and me were zooming past 'Prasads(one of the 1st multiplexes in South India).Like every other person on that road I too was pleased about how fast the contours of this sleepy city have changed.

My dad, a socialist at heart, throws a question "With all its extravagance I don't undersatnd how these people make profits?"
True, doors are no longer opened with hands and handles, a SWISH-SWISH and Lo you enter the plush indoors, KFC, Baskin Robbins and all the glory...

Still,it is difficult to understand the economics of the place....

So, if Prasads charged you more, he wud be losing his market, coz you will still buy things at places where they don't charge you 40Rs for a Samosa(Go to hell Coffee Day!)...

There is only one way to explain...someone is being robbed!

We are all robbers.

The 'Economics of Exploitation' is amongst the few good things that Pilani taught me. One worker at our hostel mess had a daughter who was widowed at a young age. One of my teachers taught her crafts and handiworks. That woman worked day in and day out but was paid a paltry sum of Rs 5 per saree by the local cloth merchant who built mansions in the muddy town.

I just can't be "super cool" about these things and talk of fate.

There are some things about India that just kill you.

The other day in a crowded Bangalore City Bus i saw a Land labourer and her Daughter struggling to stay awake in all the heat and stench!They probably had a long journey ahead, given the rates of real estate in Bangalore.
So...as the bus meandered through crowded lanes of Austin Town, we heard a loud noise and wemt a collective gasp..."Tyre Puncture"

Now, we weren't even half way through the journey, all the passengers got down from the bus...

Forget about all our discomfort and shit...What of the woman and her daughter?

What of them? Do they have to pay another 10Rs and catch another bus and then yet another from there shelling out money to a Government Owned Enterprise? What a shame for a government to live off people way below the poverty line(now the poverty line concept is a totally difficult thing altogether)!

The contrast deepens when one sees ultra-modern cell phones and fat leather belts getting tax exemptions!!

How fair is the system?How callous are we?

Anyways...I wanted to give them money....but they didn't speak my language and as the world was on the verge of a nuclear war I had to jump into an auto in a blink! (shame on me!)

I still remember those yellow eyes, the dark woman and her dishevelled daughter, their muddy hands and muddy nails tightly clasping an empty tiffin carrier....

As i write and as you read something even dark is happening to a darker woman...

A Psenti Sem that i am so weary of....

2007-03-18T16:52:00.000+05:30

All through my three arduous(not exactly) years in Pilani i have always dreamt of having a flexible time table when i cud get up from sleep saturation or may be super saturation. Well now that i actually have the chance to live my 3 yr old dream, i have to confess, i hate living this sober life of a retired BITSian or as they are popularly called "PSenti semites" !

Why is it that we are supposed to live like retired granpas cut in alabaster?Sulking about bad mess food, sulking about being single(time i come to terms with it!),sulk all through the day(if awake) and night(if not asleep)..i wud rather complain about my busy timetable or how the labs are a pain in the neck (and by default,silently complain of sick mess food)

now...I am reminded of Murphy's law(the less popular one)"Work tends to expand and occupy the time available"There have been sems where i pretty much stretched the limits of overloading oneself but i have truly never felt worse!

Initially though, it was good, u needed no reason for a treat, the slightest thought of connaught and there you go!But, what about buring holes in your pocket, and that too for pathetic reasons!"Chill out"--they may say!But u know its not that easy to chill out, unless u either have a jobless senti or u have a job that is called joblessness.So what actually entitles you to the world of joblessness.

Play games all through the day...choose huge ones
"Scream ur sidie to death"
"Play the same damn songs again and again and contribute to the Deaf BITSians community"
"Change status messages on gtalk and crib abt the internet connection"
"Abuse the IP messenger and keep begging for movies"(Ping! 'Any new movies')
"Get ur warden to shout at you for a loud Birthday Bums session"

And for those who have a jobless senti, good for you, but plz dont assume tht u escape my wrath!What is it that keeps you together for such a long time?Is love that difficult to handle by urself? At the end of the day how long can you keep biting the same ears! The same damn ears!!!

And what is it with extending the affair to the library? Why disturb platonic souls, the true flagbearers of the BITSian flag(Bull crap..I KNOW)...but on second thoughts this is one of the few good things abt our library.

There is absolutely no alternative source of entertainment but for the "Ghot-Sentis"(Guys call Ghot-sentifying off now....it wont help you!)And for gossip mongers,like the author the library is a haven for new gossip.

What is this pretty gal doing with that zit-mound?(beg ur pardon!)Anyways, its something u can keep talking anytime anywhere."Why Mr.X and Ms.Y? Cudn't she find a better guy?And as i involve myself in this crib-orgy, i totally 4got, i hav a tr8 to catch up with, lots of gossip to update and yeah till the next post.
Keep Cribbing..CIAO:)

Like someone said "old WHINE is new bottle"

2006-11-20T19:59:00.001+05:30

Questions and Answers:( La ubiquitous)

1)What if God appears and grants you a wish?
Ans: I'll ask for a whole lot of other wishes.

2)What is love?
Ans: Inexpressable...'tis like the wind, u can only feel it, can't see it!

3)What are your hobbies?
Ans: TV watching, book reading..(even if the whole conversation happens in Telugu the answer to this question HAS to be in English)

After a train accident, hundreds are crushed, 100s injured...
A dumb reporter asks a LUCKY survivor..

Reporter: What do you have to say?
Survivor: All due to the grace of God.
(despite the ghastly accident and admist blood pools...still God? which one?)

And another truth about Bata pricing...

How many times have you heard someone say "They price it a 999.95 and we go for it presuming its in the 900+ ranges while it actually is in the 1000+ range"...

According to me, every Bata goer knows this....it is there hanging in the shop...but still everyone nods their heads to this great revelation!

And coz its summer now....and coz newspapers yap a lot about global warming, every other person is a hyper sensitive thermometer...

This summer has been horrible, last year was better.
This times the rain has been erratic, last time it wore a uniform!

Now don't I have a reason for all the sarcasm?

The Pigeon Song

2006-11-02T01:46:00.001+05:30

Singers : Two Japanese Pigeons-- Shit-o-koun, Piyya~ri(प्यारी)
Language:Hindi and Telugu
Produced By :Shit~on Productions

पिया पिया ऒ पिया पिया!
पिया पिया ऒ पिया!
सुबह शाम करे मेरा जिया!
పియ్య పియ్య పియ్య పియ్య
పియ్య పియ్య ఓ పియ్య పియ్య
పియ్య పియ్య ఓ పియ్య

(two pigeons sing (wearing bath towels) and there are droppings all around)

Glossary:
పియ్య = piyya (shit)

The Barber Chronicles(Part 1)

2006-10-26T01:40:00.001+05:30

Haircuts in Hyderabad are the most embarrassing of things, i hardly connect with what the barber says, the weird questions asked, sometimes i wish i were both deaf and dumb(they don't make mute buttons you see!)

The barber says, "I dont see you these days?"

me(in a made-up telengana accent) :"I dont study here."

Barber(in a solid telengana accent): "Oh, so you must be working in Amerika?"

me(i~am~not~an~uncle~look): "I am still studying, currently in Delhi."

Barber(arse!):"ooh, you didn't get a seat in Hyderabad?"

Me(Dumb~arse~look) :"No, no, no...it so happens that there are better colleges elsewhere"

Barber("what~a~Dumbest~of~arses~look): "Oh, what is the currency in Delhi?"

Me(the Gyaan machine): "The whole of India has the same currency."

Barber(uninterested~like~hell~look)--{screaming to his assistant} : "Switch on the TV...yawn..yawn...yawn.."

In all the confusion, i forget to tell him about how i wanted him to just trim a little hair that fell over the ear, and find myself sitting with hair that was so evenly pruned that it would put to shame any lawn-mower on earth!

Bad haircuts. Need i explain more?

Failed Marriages

2006-10-26T01:12:00.000+05:30

The other side of the coin is always more lucrative than the one evident, its like the rare two rupee coin, one face with a big 2 but the other side having something different from the India Map..

Failed Marriages are something nobody would ask for...on second thoughts though...Imagine the kind of comfort one can derive from

(1)Having someone whom you can accuse of all the failures in your life.("It was becoz of YOU")

(2)People pouring tonnes of sympathy on you(head side-ways and silent nods).

(3)Finding out who your "Enemy Number 1" is!

Life's not as seamy as it seems, things can get worser.

Nursery Rhymes and more...

2006-10-18T22:07:00.000+05:30

One friend called me a "septic tank"!
Sorry, but i am extremely talented and have remarkable memory!
And, it's not easy having a good memory,even ""not-easy"-er" to tell people the "real deal"(Aussie style!) when evrybody already has a rationalized and plagiarised version of what happened...But what really happened?

Anyways, i am here today to list some bad bad nursery rhymes!

Bad Rhyme 1:
"Bits of paper,
Bits of paper.
Lying on the floor,
Lying on the floor.
makes the place untidy..
Pick 'em up..pick 'em up!"

Very Very Out-dated!I wrote a new one for tech-savvy children!

Version 2006:
"Bits of memory,
bytes of memory.
In the laboratory,
in the laboratory.
Makes my computer un-savvy
Shift+del 'em, shift+del 'em!"

And what about "piggy" on the railway line?

Bad Rhyme 2:
Piggy on the railway line,
pickin up stones
down came the engine
And broke piggy's bones :O (what a way to teach engine driving!)

"Ah!", said Piggy.
"thats not fair"
"Oh!", said the engine driver,
"I don't care!" (wow, i am not sorry for breaking the poet's nose!)

My nursery book sings a different song altogether!

Version 2006:
Philly on the railway line,
picking up bones!
Down came Piggy,
and broke Philly's bones!

"Ah!", said Philly
"I own the rail!"
"Oh!", said Piggy
"Stop eating the quail!"

2006 -Copyrights Reserved
(don't u dare pull a Kaavya Viswanaathan!) :D

more later...

Grandma Diaries

2006-10-18T20:57:00.000+05:30

I lost my Ammamma(Manchiraju Manikyaamba) in December 2000, but to me she remains one of the strongest women i have ever seen. When "ammamma"(grandma) was around she had this aura, bright bordered zari sarees, black-rimmed heavy glasses, lots of red-cinthol talcum powder and a "paan"(betel leaf) washed accent!
She was an "At~home~MS Subbalakshmi", i don't remember a moment when ammamma stopped singing, if she wasn't singing loud she was humming, if she wasn't humming she was learning new songs!
Grandma had occassion for every song, she sang the "Gangashtakam" during Sivaratri periods, she sand songs from "Sree Krishna Leela taraMgiNi" during Janmashtami, she sang and sang and sang...
As long as granny was alive, all of us met and sang at every festival, everyone was expected to sing their songs, i had mine too(Bantureethi Koluvu), my mother and pedamma had another(Nee GuNa gaanamu..), My uncle had another(Ee ViSaala praSanta Ekaanta souDham lo...niduriMchu jaahaapanaah!)!Songs came easily to everyone when grandma was alive!

I was too young to realise how lucky i was to be around someone this blessed, someone this talented..
Grandma lost her sight as a doctor operated her for glaucoma in her right eye when she actually had it in her left eye, as far as my memory goes i never remember Gramma complaining..she took things for granted..she only dealt with today and never dwelled with the past!

It is during days like these when it is hard to deal with the fact that we don't have our "at~home~MSS", festivals were centered aroung Ammamma, she had a song for every occasion, and Deepavali was special..

Mom tell me Ammamma 'singly' made hundreds of laddus, a few hundred from sugar and another hundred from jaggery, my mother and her sisters met today and made laddus Ammamma style...

Ammamma...we might not have you in person, we surely have someof your ways...

The Bench Crowd

2006-09-28T21:59:00.000+05:30

Ever wondered about the most secure place in the world?
I say it is "the bench";
a Bench, as i define, need not be a a bench figuratively,but surely the presence of a bench is an added advantage,
And the bench crowd must constitute of people who can twist things out of shape, who can call "a spade a pocket knife" and "a pocket knife a WMD(weapon of mass destruction)".

And living examples of "Bench Crowd" are the news-mongers, the dozens of news channels who pounce upon the trivialest of things and make NEWS!

The day is not far when...
1. Jayalalitha's pet dog has a cold and lo Jaya TV beams hourly updates!
2. Saurav Ganguly and Bappi Lahiri play "who wears the gaudiest jewellery" game, NDTV brings in specialist opinions from both jobless cricketers and jobless Singers!
3. Another channel starts a "Reality Show" of how viewers sitting b4 their TV sets sob and puke over the sorrow of their Favorite Reality TV Show Star losing!

And yeah, the day is not far when we'll have a news channel for every street, a reality show in every household..
take me away before i see such a day!

The Ice-Cream Oracle

2006-06-18T19:44:00.000+05:30

Being born a gifted child(yeah the extra pounds),it was only in Class 5 that i realised what a villain Adipose cells are?The number of adipose cells(ones that stores fat) in an individual remain the same through ones lifetime,so i was to be Plump to the extent that i was feeling comfy about being called "Laddu" at home!(Leave alone the thoughts about beauty~is~skin~deep stuff!)
Later on,as i grew conscious of "whats in" and "whats out" i had to deal with the most painful of times in my life--
"Eating an Ice Cream"(dont laugh)

Ice cream was such a delight,as is the case with evry sane person,apart from the fear of catching a cold,or having to deal with my very own tonsils the same night(man, wat cannot balls do!!!)..

The better part of my worries were with how i would make the Ice Cream last longer.
Say,if i ate an ice cream for 5 mins,the first 2 mins were spent in nibbling on the chocolate ensuring my ice cream remained as luring as it was 2 mins ago!And,as the avalanche built inside the ice cream,i was too worried abt finishing it off too early!

And lo,i was done with the 5 minute trauma,there was not a second i relished the creamy cream,the crispy choco nuts and the too-hard-to-resist full thing called Ice Cream!All of it was wasted worrying abt ifs,buts,so wats,whys,damns,eeks,yikes and LO-s!

I am better off these days,i dont eat ice cream,and even if i do i eat it till i am full!(yeah,i hav shed the pounds in kilos)

PS:
Some tips on how to make an ice cream last longer:
1.Make sure u hav the latest of scoops being served!

2.Never let the spoon stay in the scoop for more than 2 seconds at a go!(heat transfer!)

3.Believe me,there is nothing as satisfying as losing in a "who-eats-ice-cream-first" race!

4.Migrate to the Himalayas!